Learning about unconditional love and acceptance
I can’t believe how close we are getting to when the moving truck we will be here.
Meanwhile, been gathering things to go in the car for the moving van that will be unloaded when we get there. The rest may be in storage for a bit while we see where we will end up.
I’m looking forward to seeing what God has planned for us.
I trust Him.
When I was younger my sister and I had a teeter totter in the backyard.
I liked it. Up and down in the air I’d go, my feet safely touching the ground. Sometimes one of us would stand up and leave the other dangling up in the air, or even jump off which would produce a stinging jolt on the butt if you didn’t react quick enough! There was always anticipation when dangling in the air…would my sister jump off or not? It was a little scary, but fun, unless I didn’t react quick enough. Even if I get a stinging jolt, it was short-lived and didn’t stop us from enjoying the ride over and over. (I will confess it was more fun when she was the one in the air.)
I have thought about teeter totters this week.
I feel like I have ridden a teeter totter of emotions lately, up in the air, kicking my legs at the height, enjoying the peaceful ebbs of the ups and downs when things are balanced, but also experiencing a few jolts that bring a sting.
Now, to be fair, there is the menopause thing going on. I think menopause is its own teeter totter, physically and emotionally.
But so you get a sense of the ride lately, this is what is going on.
We had been praying about what God wanted us to do and where He wanted us to be for over a year now. I felt like we were in a holding pattern.
We waited. I wish I could say I was always patient during the process.
I tried. I failed some days. I tried, again.
Up and down. Highs and lows.
Somewhere during the waiting process, my prayers changed to being more thankful. When you are stressed about things, praying thankful prayers doesn’t come naturally. At least it didn’t/doesn’t for me. But, once I started, it became easier. It was easier to see how much to be thankful for. I had neglected to remind myself, He was the one that had always taken care of us. He had always provided a place for us, and means for us and a way for us. I just needed to trust Him.
Trust – that thing that can be so hard for me to do at times.
Trusting Him means being giving over: self, marriage, children, family, friends, home, finances, pets, possessions, community, work, hobbies, ministries, everything.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jer. 29:11
When we moved here we thought it would be for a short time.
That was over 19 years ago.
God has other plans for us now.
I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in God-incidences. Seemingly out of “nowhere” hubby got a call about a job that they wanted to talk to him about. At the same time, our youngest got a job offer in his desired field and has moved out.
So we are officially empty nesters.
We are working, cleaning out, down-sizing, and moving.
20+ years of stuff to go through – need I say more?
We continue to worship with a church community that has been a source of spiritual growth, trusting Him for our next church community.
We are watching others step up to the ministry of helping the homeless in our area that we have been a part of for 3 years as we wait to see what ministry opportunities He has in store for us.
We are saying our goodbyes to friends, not knowing if/when our paths will cross again.
Laughter and tears. Tears and laughter.
Up and down, up and down I’ve been riding the emotional teeter totter lately. Some days I am better at it than others.
This morning I was reminded of these words:
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Phil 4:4-9
He’s got this. He is in control of the teeter totter.
My feet are lifted off the ground, I trust you Lord as you take me up and I trust the stings. What I think are stings are just your mercies towards blessings on the ride. When I look back at the ride, it is then I see your mercy and the ride is that much sweeter.
I had a discussion with a friend the other day about some struggles they were having. While I was in the midst of it I heard echoes of discussions I’ve had with myself and other friends over the last five years or so.
We were talking about uncertainty, instability, financial insecurity, fear of the unknown, loss of relationships, all intertwined with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and betrayal, accompanied with health issues neatly rounding off the package.
What I shared with them that day and I hope that I conveyed, is what I’ve learned about myself slowly and painfully.
It involves trust.
I have had an issue, and if I am not careful, I can still have an issue with trust.
I have this part of my personality that likes to know “the plan”. If I don’t know “the plan”, I have been known to mentally spend hours devising “Plan A”, “Plan B”, “Plan C”, well, you get the picture.
On the plus side, this gift can work well in certain organizational and job skills. It enables one to prioritize and administer goals and tasks, and can also help with vision casting.
On the minus side, this gift has shifted my focus at times off of what God has in plan. When during the course of my life, “my timing” is different than “His timing”; that is when I’ve faltered or become afraid.
I don’t think I’m the only one that feels like this.
Well, truthfully, I know I’m not. Often, in my ladies small group we would talk about things like this. We “know” the right answer; we know we are supposed to lay our concerns down. It is just hard to “do it”. Or admit it is a struggle.
If you can relate to any of the above feelings, welcome to the group.
Probably a year or so ago, I kept asking Jesus this question if ever I was sad, angry, afraid, felt betrayed or confused:
“What is at the root of this feeling?”
It came back to trust. However, what the Holy Spirit pressed into my heart was who I ultimately was not trusting.
I wasn’t trusting God. That is as painful to type as it is to admit then and now.
Were there circumstances or people contributing at the time to those feelings? Yes. Were there decisions or actions that I needed to make or confront? Yes.
However, at the root, the intensity of my feelings was something else. I wasn’t trusting God.
Gently, the Holy Spirit reminded me…. hasn’t He always been there for me? Yes, Lord. You have been.
Any residue of sadness for a relationship with my Dad or my siblings…. hasn’t He always been there for me…always loving me? Yes, Lord, you have always loved me, even when I haven’t been loving or loved you as I should.
Any residue of betrayal or bitterness from past experiences…. hasn’t He always been beside me, understood any pain, loved me? Yes, Lord, you who endured what I can not even imagine, carried the weight of all sin, mine included, before I even came to be.
Haven’t I always had a roof over my head and food on my plate? Hasn’t He always made provisions for me, even when I’ve forgotten to thank Him on occasions? Forgive me Lord, for the many times I’ve neglected to thank you for all you have provided, and even begin to hint in my mind that I in some way contribute to it. Everything is a gift from you.
I knew those things. I know those things. I just needed to be reminded. I also needed to confess my sin of lack of trust.
Trusting God means you figuratively stand at a precipice of the unknown and willing jump off into His arms.
I haven’t been willing to do that too many times in the past.
I want to know what nets are in place. I want to know what security measures there are.
Trusting Him means not knowing those answers.
Trusting Him means giving up things once thought important.
Trusting Him means following His lead when it doesn’t seem popular, or comfortable.
Trusting Him means sharing what little you have, when you’re not sure what will come in next.
Do I know what that means for me tomorrow, or the next, or the day or after that?
No.
That is what trusting Him all is about.
Is that scary sometimes? Yes, I must admit it is – until I look backwards.
And that is when I remind myself, hasn’t He always provided for me? Hasn’t He always taken care of me? Hasn’t He always been there for me?
He has been faithful. I’ve been the one to doubt and to fear.
Will I be weak and be fearful or worry again? Probably so, that “need a plan” is part of my personality. However, hopefully I have learned to recognize when I’m not trusting and confess that sin, and lay it at His feet.
Being thankful. Making the mental shift. It is when I do that I can see how He has blessed and provided. I feel His peace.
Thankfully His presence isn’t about our feelings, He is always with us. Always present, always faithful. Always trustworthy.
I am the one that just needs to remember at times.
How about you?
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:4-9
Some people write their blogs and have the confidence to push the blue publish button without fear.
Some don’t.
Too often, I fall into the second group. That is probably why I write in my journal more than I write here on my blog.
Fear of rejection. Fear of ridicule. Fear of my own failings.
Well, I’ve been thinking about fear.
It isn’t only in writing that fear rears it’s ugly head in my life. I really don’t like writing that. I like to think that I am a strong person. Writing that sentence makes me feel weak.
I’ve thought about all the different areas that fear has influenced/influences me over the course of my life.
I’ve been a people pleaser, I’ve feared confrontation, I’ve feared ridicule for what I believe in and who I am. I’ve feared getting hurt. Fear of the unknown, I like a plan.
Some of those fears come back to haunt me now and then. Sigh.
That is when I try to remind/question myself, ‘what is at the root of my particular fear’?
When I get through the layers, and face it, for me it is a lack of trust.
I’m not trusting Him.
We’ve been walking through the book of Exodus on Sunday mornings at Sandhills Community Church. (Podcasts are available on their webpage).
I am being reminded that we/I am like the Israelites. They too had trouble with fear. They too had trouble with trust.
Over and over God took the Israelites, or us to dilemmas that they, or us don’t know the answers for to see if we will call out to Him to provide. For me it has been in areas of family relationships, health, finances and jobs. Some of those He repeated, I obviously needed to learn something. As He said to the Israelites, He is saying to me: “Do you trust Me?”
As the Israelites were afraid of the unknown then, so am I at times.
Are you facing any fears/Egyptians today? If so, I’d like to encourage you to try what has helped me.
Recognize the fear, give it to Jesus and then you will find you are no longer afraid. Is it always easy? No. Is it worth it. Yes! Too often it is after the dilemma that we look back and see the blessing. That is one thing I have noticed in reading my journal. You can go back and see the blessings. So I would encourage you to trust, be still, so you don’t miss it. Blessings to you gentle reader! No fear for that “blue publish button!” 🙂
“Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:13-14
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46: 10
“The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” Psalm 46:11
Ezekiel 34
The LORD Will Be Israel’s Shepherd
1 The word of the LORD came to me: 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? 3 You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. 4 You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. 5 So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. 6My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them.
7 “‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: 8 As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, 9 therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: 10 This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them.
11 “‘For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. 12 As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. 13 I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. 14 I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. 15 I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign LORD. 16 I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.
17 “‘As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats. 18 Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? 19 Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet?
20 “‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says to them: See, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. 21 Because you shove with flank and shoulder, butting all the weak sheep with your horns until you have driven them away, 22 I will save my flock, and they will no longer be plundered. I will judge between one sheep and another. 23 I will place over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he will tend them; he will tend them and be their shepherd. 24 I the LORD will be their God, and my servant David will be prince among them. I the LORD have spoken.
25 “‘I will make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of savage beasts so that they may live in the wilderness and sleep in the forests in safety. 26 I will make them and the places surrounding my hill a blessing. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. 27 The trees will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the LORD, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them. 28 They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid. 29 I will provide for them a land renowned for its crops, and they will no longer be victims of famine in the land or bear the scorn of the nations. 30 Then they will know that I, the LORD their God, am with them and that they, the Israelites, are my people, declares the Sovereign LORD. 31 You are my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign LORD.”
I know I have been very quiet on here as of lately. That is because I wasn’t sure exactly what to say or how to start. So, I thought I’d just start today, with some of the verses that I have been reading for the last few months.
The Lord has been talking to me about trust. Trusting in Him. He has reminded me of how He has been faithful to me in the past, how I can depend on Him. He has pushed me to confront unloving behavior. During my quiet time we have compared notes on how I have handled past hurts with recent ones. I praise Him for the refining work he has done in me over my life, and the grace He extends and continues to do.
This is what I have been remembering:
F orsaking
A ll
I
T rust
H im
The Lord will always take care of His sheep. We I just need to trust Him.
Just As I Am 