Tag: Rheumatoid Arthritis

Wardrobe Discussion

~ Denise ~ 5 Comments

I come from a line of tall women.

I like being tall; however, with some things it does have its drawbacks.

What I’m thinking about in particular this morning is wearing and buying slacks.

Now, my past generation of tall family women for the most part wore dresses.  They also made their own clothing.

I stopped wearing dresses and skirts for the most part when I stopped working full-time a few years ago, and I haven’t made me something to wear since the 80’s.  I don’t currently have any plans to start making myself clothing.  What I like and what I can produce are two entirely different things!

Buying women’s slacks, or as I say, pants can be a challenge.  Most local stores do not carry tall selections.  So you are left to either wear your own version of “petal pushers” or order online.  Ordering online can be time-consuming and costly.  First you don’t reap the benefits of trying on the item to make sure you like how it looks, so then if you order it and don’t like it you have the  hassle and cost of returning what you waited to so patiently for.  So when I find a store that has pants that I like, that fit, and I can order them online in tall, it is a win-win situation.  Trouble is usually then, the cost or how quickly they sell out.  Currently, then I am left with a few choices of pants to choose from when selecting my wardrobe in the morning.

Now, men seem to not have a problem with only a few items to choose  from in their closet.  They also have the ability to wear the same pair of pants over and over and don’t mind if anyone notices, nor do I think many people do.  I stand in front of my pant choices and have them rotated so I remember which day I wore which one.  I don’t think anyone else cares about this, and perhaps no one else even notices…you would have to be a detail person.

Have I mentioned before I’m a detail person?

So this morning deciding on which particular pair of pants that I was going to wear, I was also thinking that I have also shrunk over the years.

I used to be 5’-10”.  Now, if I believe correctly, the last time I was measured at the doctor’s office I was around 5’-9”.  What the heck?

I’ve always liked being tall.  As a matter of fact, there were years (and years) that I wore very high heels.  (Remember platforms?)  Yeah, I wore them.

Now I think I would topple over because of my ankles and wobbly knees.  I still have a few pairs of high heels (3”+), but for the most part a high heel today is anything over 1”.  Now the thrill of unsure knees and swollen feet, a lovely side effect of rheumatoid arthritis are not very conducive to high heels.  (Insert appropriate sarcasm.)

I digress.  Anyway, back to the shrinking.

I think that inch re-distributed itself.

Like around my waist.

I didn’t know my waist was so lonely.  It isn’t like my waist hadn’t picked up a few inches of friends over the years in my opinion and needed another inch.  Guess “waist” needed more company for tea and muffins.

I like muffins, and in particular the tops of the muffins, but do not like “muffin top” on me.  So, if I shrink anymore, I hope that any further re-distribution happens elsewhere.

I also hope I don’t keep shrinking until I get down into the petite section.  That would be a whole other issue entirely.  Ha!  Like that would happen!

Like I said, I like being tall.

Excuse me while I stretch out my cotton sweater a little on the sides.

There, that’s better.

Maybe no one will notice I’m wearing the same tall pants, again.  🙂

“Engaging in Memories and Tiny Treasure”

~ Denise ~ 8 Comments

I was plowing right along there with my personal daily blogging challenge, until yesterday.  Had a busy day with work and meetings, and just did not have the time needed to post, nor the mental thoughts to think about a memory for “Monday’s Memories”.  By the time I got home yesterday, I was pretty much spent.

That’s okay, it was good to sit and relax, and today I figured I could just combine my “Monday Memory” with a “Tuesday Treasure”.

I was thinking how I really don’t blog about my father’s side of the family much.  Granted, most of my father’s family, with the exception of an aunt and a cousin, have no contact with me.  I was particularly thinking though I haven’t blogged about my paternal Grandmother.  We called her NanNan.

I probably spent just as much time around NanNan as I did my maternal Grandmother, however, I do not feel like I knew her.  She seemed distant to me.  I used tell my Mother that my sister was her favorite.  I used to feel like I was getting her disapproval most of the time.  I don’t recall her being affectionate.

NanNan was the person who decided that being a Jehovah’s Witnesses was the course of lifestyle for her family. My understanding is that my Grandfather did not agree.  I did not know him.  Most of my recollections of NanNan are from attending meetings, going door-to-door, conventions and other JW activities.   She lived with her daughter, my Aunt Jean, who I am very fond of.  I liked staying the weekends with Jean, however, I always needed to be up and ready to go with NanNan on Sunday mornings.

My Aunt Jean married late in life, at which time NanNan had a small home built that she moved into.  She seemed happy in her home and was independent for awhile.

The first time I heard the term rheumatoid arthritis was in connection with NanNan.  My Dad started taking her to doctor visits, and she became unable to do a lot of things for herself around the house.  The disease progressed and soon she was unable to clean her home.  I don’t recall why it was decided that I would be the one who would stay overnight on occasions to help clean and take care of her, but that is what I did.   I sort of liked cleaning her little house.  I would pretend, it was like my little cottage.  I would be very proud of my work and look to NanNan for approval, and if she smiled at the job I did, that made me feel good inside.  On really good days, she could cook the best Chicken and Dumplings   I remember when I realized that she wouldn’t be able to anymore, she couldn’t handle the pots and pans.  Some days I would cook for her.

On bad days NanNan would sit in her chair in the living room, just watching me or looking out the window.  She would sit with her hands curled up in her lap.  Every so often she would dip her hands in a hot wax treatment to help with the pain.  I remember how she moaned in pain.  Some days she would be better, but eventually she was unable to take care of her basic needs, and I recall her waking me up in the middle of the night to help her.  Even in my early teens, I knew it was very  hard for her to ask me to help her in that way, and to help her get dressed and with basic needs.  I knew she needed me.

It was on one of those visits that I was in her bedroom and cleaning her dresser and looking through her jewelry.   I asked her about a tiny, dainty pin.  It was broken and missing a little pearl, but I still thought it was just the prettiest thing.  I had never seen her wear it.

She said “Oh, that old pin, you can have it.  It’s broken though”.  I told her I thought it was pretty.  What she said next surprised me.  “That was my engagement gift from your Grandfather”.   She got quiet then.  I told her that I couldn’t take it (but inside I was hoping I could).  She told me she didn’t wear it and I should take it.

After I was home and showed it to Mom I think she was just as surprised as I was about receiving the pin.  She took me and the pin to a jeweler and they repaired it and replaced the pearl.

There a just a few things that I remember my NanNan by.  I remember her with this pin.  I remember her when I play or walk by her piano she left me.  The other thing is I try to keep moving my fingers and joints, I remember how she progressed, I have RA too.

On that evening many years ago, I felt like I saw a different side of NanNan then I had before.  One pin, given as a gift symbolizing an engagement of two people, and connecting two others.

Just a little old pin.

pin

But, it’s not the pin.  It’s the stories with it.

OSS Update

~ Denise ~ 3 Comments

I’m getting reading to go back to the park tomorrow.  Making some cookies. 🙂

Last time, I was able to take a few pictures on the way into the park without being noticed or making anyone uncomfortable.

Here we are on the street before we turn into the park, and you can see the line is already forming.

Heading to Finley Park

Here is part of the car caravan with the food and stuff!  You can also see some more people walking to join the line already formed.

“C” has given permission not only to use his name (hooray!), but also to be photographed.

Let me introduce you to our friend Chuck!

Chuck and Denise
Chuck and Denise

Continue to pray for Chuck as he deals with his diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis.  He was interested to hear about the prayers for him from my new blogging friend Miss Whiplash who even blogged about OSS on her page.  He thought it was “cool”.

“J” talking with Craig

Sorry for the “sideways” picture.  I was putting my camera away and took a few shots without realizing it.  Tee-hee.

Dawn said she would provide a picture for me of her and her boyfriend Ernie or let me take one (next time maybe?).  She showed me her paperwork for some upcoming surgery she is having on the 24th of this month.  She told me which hospital she would be in and what time the surgery would be for them to correct the damage that was done on her previous operation.  I told her I wanted to come see her in the hospital.  She was surprised, and pleased.  She made sure I saw everything I needed on her paperwork so that I could find her.  Her boyfriend Ernie was not with her as he was selling his plasma so that he could get some money for food (Ensures, or milkshakes) that she could eat for the week.  She is still only able to eat liquids.  She told me he was eating lots of peanut butter sandwiches prior to selling the plasma and that you can do that once a week.

(I was reminded of a young girl I knew a while back that had sold her blood plasma for some money to pay her bills.  It was the first time that I had heard about something like that.  It made my heart sad at the time that she felt she had to do that (it still does when I think about it).  There were some of us that rallied around her with some help.  I remember hoping that it would be enough that she didn’t ever have to do that again, and that she would come to us for help when she needed it.)

Apparently it is not uncommon for the homeless to sell their blood plasma.  It provides cash they need.   I believe they get around $30-35.  (Side note:  I was told it is also common for local college students to do the same thing).

Something to think about before picking up that casual purchase….would I give my life’s blood for it?  Hum.

While I was talking to Dawn, I kept being drawn to a petite woman sitting off to the side.  I have noticed her before, but she usually leaves quickly.  This time she was sitting close to us…sort of just hanging around.  I didn’t want to just stop talking to Dawn and be rude, so I was waiting for the right moment to leave to meet this lady.

It happens that Dawn started asking about the dog that one of the helpers took home two weeks ago.  There was a homeless man that was willing to go into rehab, but had a dog named Lucky.  Dawn, Ernie and Chuck were encouraging him to get into rehab, but he was worried about his dog.  Once he realized someone would take care of Lucky he was willing to go to rehab.  Dawn said he heard he was in rehab, but was wondering about his dog.  She was asking so she could get word back to him. So, while they were chatting about Lucky, I wandered over to meet this petite lady.

I noticed that she had a bag with some knitting needles and some yarn stuck out of it.  Well, I can knit and crochet, so this led to an opening topic.  We spoke a little about knitting.  She showed me her work, and also showed me a beautiful purse she had knit. She said she works with scrap pieces of yarn.  I asked her if she minded if I brought her some scrap balls of yarn that I had from projects.  (I usually don’t throw them away, because I think someday I’ll use them….someday usually doesn’t arrive, haha).  Anyway, she said “That would be really nice, I have not been able to purchase yarn for a while, maybe when I get back home”.  I asked her where “home” was.  She said “Germany”.

Wow, Germany.  Makes you wonder how she ended up on the streets of Columbia, South Carolina.  Maybe she’ll share her story when she feels comfortable.  I asked her name.  Let’s call her “B”.  I’m anxious to learn more about her and pray for her safety.

People were starting to pack things up and carting things off to cars.  Someone called my name.   I told her it was really nice meeting and talking with her.  She said likewise.

I turned to help pack some things, and she quietly crossed the street and disappeared up the hill.

I think that she is friends with “S” and “T” and I knew that they had gone to the library.  I hope she has someone to watch out for her on the streets.  Pray for her safety.

These trips downtown certainly can bring up memories or stir your emotions.   What a blessing and opportunity! It continues to makes me appreciate what I have, where I’ve been, what I’ve learned and look forward to what I will learn.

Blessings everyone!

Another one of those camera shots from the hip I didn’t know about! 🙂

Getting to know you….

~ Denise ~ 1 Comment

Getting to know people can be hard.

I feel like I’m dancing or walking a fine line sometimes.  Mostly it is when I’m trying to figure out when do I ask a question, and when to keep quiet? I don’t want to seem like I’m prying, but I also want them to know that I care.

My experience has been hurting people will usually withdraw, and only share when they feel they can trust you, and then only just a piece at a time.  It is kind of a test to see what you will do with the information that they entrust you with.

Going to Finley Park and feeding the homeless, I’ve found that the more they see us, the more they will share bits and pieces of their stories.  Some will get their food and then leave right away, while others will stick around to chat.  That is one thing when someone in the group hands out the two cigarettes.  They definitely stick around to get them.  While they are waiting they will talk with us, they will eat and they will wait until we hand those out, and most times, they will stand and smoke one and talk.  It is during those standing around times, that they will share a piece of their story, talk a little more, and even ask for prayer.

I said I would share about the people that I have been meeting, and the next person that I wanted to talk about is “C”.  Well, I started this post about him on the 11th, but didn’t publish it.

Why?  Probably if I’m being real here is because then it says a little more about me that I haven’t shared.

Getting to know people can be hard.  Sharing with strangers people can be hard.

It’s uncomfortable.

This is a two-way learning experience.

2/11/11

Missed “C” last time we were there.  He usually is a fixture, always watches for us.  He will usually stay near us when we are serving and talk to us while he leans up against a pole.

I was looking for him one day and asked one of the other fellows for him and he said “you mean the crippled guy”?  I wouldn’t have described “C” that way.  I mean, yeah, he walks with a limp and has a cane, but since we’ve been going to the park, I’ve seen many of the homeless carrying canes.  I realized that while I may not have described “C” that way, I had fallen into the “seeing by not seeing land”.  The “I don’t want to ask, because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable” realm.  And then there is of course, the “I don’t want to be made uncomfortable” with the topic at hand.

Groan.

How quickly we get used to seeing things, or we see but yet don’t see?  Like, I have seen and not seen the homeless before; and here I was seeing and not seeing something again.  I always feel like I’m walking a tightrope in situations like that.  Do you ask, or not ask, how can you show you care?  My usual mode of operation is let them take the lead if they want to talk about it.

Sometimes conversation just happens.

Today, “C” talked about it to me.  We had missed him last week when we were there.  So, I mentioned that I had missed him, and he said he was at the VA hospital for a doctor’s visit.  He told me he was diagnosed with diabetes and that the doc told him that surgery wouldn’t help his knee, he had RA in it, and surgery wouldn’t fix it.  Well, my ears picked up.

Something that I haven’t talked about on this blog before is my health issues.  Well, only slightly in passing about migraines, but I have RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis).  For those of you unfamiliar with RA it is an autoimmune disease (you can find more about it here).  Pretty much it is your body attacking itself primarily in your joints, however may affect tissues and organs of which there is presently no cure.

Why don’t I talk about it?

Honestly?

RA is a weakness I have (I don’t like to be weak). RA I can’t control (I want to control it). I would prefer to ignore it unless I can’t (hello, surgery last year), or symptoms requires me to face it.   I know what the prognosis is and I don’t care to think about the possible future scenarios.   RA stops your body from doing what your mind says you can and want to do sometimes (hello, control again). RA has you making adjustments to what you can and can’t do, so that all of a sudden you realize “your normal” is not “normal” (hello, weakness again).

Mention you have RA, and usually someone will say “yeah, I have arthritis too.”  Well, it really isn’t the same, (unless they have RA) but yet they think it is and they understand.  Most of the time I just don’t bring it up.

So, we have something in common.  I talked to him about it.  I asked him if someone in his family had it.  He said no, no one had RA or diabetes.  He doesn’t know where he got it.  He wonders if it is the result of his time in the service.  He was just diagnosed last year.  So we talked about his symptoms and what he is experiencing and going through for a little bit.  He is having trouble with numbness in his legs, the stiffness, the acheness (is that a proper word? – it sure feels like it) and general overall feeling of heaviness that accompanies RA.  Pretty much you feel like you have the flu when it is flaring up that just won’t go away.  He is trying to resign himself to wearing a brace on his knee and using the cane for the rest of his life, because the doctor told him he was not a candidate for surgery.

I know, I know, I know…….but ………I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.

I know some of what he is feeling.  I know the frustrations.

But, I don’t know.

I can’t imagine having no choice but to walk the streets in the midst of a bad flare, when there isn’t any place to go.  I’m glad there are places for him to go to get help, but I can’t help but wonder if they just give the minimum care because he is homeless.   I can’t imagine being on the streets in the cold or the heat which bothers the joints.  I can’t imagine having to rouse yourself and get out of a shelter because you have to, when your body is screaming NO, I don’t want to.  I can’t imagine trying to carry most of your belongings or being forced to hold things, when your hands or fingers won’t cooperate or at any given moment not have the strength.  I can’t imagine having to walk mile after mile when your knees scream stop.

When I left today, I told him, “Now I know how to pray for you.”  You know what he said to me?

“And, now I know how to pray for you.”

2/14/11

“C” wasn’t there today.  I had wanted to ask him about his time in culinary school.  He had mentioned which one he had his degree in on our last visit, and I couldn’t remember, so I wanted to get it right before I mentioned it here.  However, he wasn’t here today.  Maybe he has a visit at the VA hospital?  That is where he was the last time we visited the park on a Monday.  When one of the “regulars” isn’t there, I find myself wondering and praying for their health and safety.  We plan on going back next Monday the 21st, hopefully “C” will be back.

2/21/11

“C” was back today.  He had been sick, that is why we hadn’t seen him.  He said he had been at the doctors, which usually means the VA hospital for him, to get some medication.  He said he didn’t come to see us when he was sick because he didn’t want to get us sick.  He said “I wouldn’t come around you guys, if I was sick, I don’t want to get you sick”.  It was a great warm day, there seemed to be more people than normal so we didn’t get quite as much time to chat.  He had a ready hand to help us unload and load the car, and seemed to be getting around well with his new knee brace.  We talked a little about his new “shave” to remove his beard.

Keep “C” in your prayers as he continues to gain his strength and battles any illnesses please, when your immune system doesn’t work right, any illness can be a drain.