Tag: Rejoice in the Lord

Teeter Totter

~ Denise ~ 7 Comments
Seesaw
Seesaw (Photo credit: nzgabriel)

When I was younger my sister and I had a teeter totter in the backyard.

I liked it.  Up and down in the air I’d go, my feet safely touching the ground.  Sometimes one of us would stand up and leave the other dangling up in the air, or even jump off which would produce a stinging jolt on the butt if you didn’t react quick enough!  There was always anticipation when dangling in the air…would my sister jump off or not?  It was a little scary, but fun, unless I didn’t react quick enough.  Even if I get a stinging jolt, it was short-lived and didn’t stop us from enjoying the ride over and over.  (I will confess it was more fun when she was the one in the air.)

I have thought about teeter totters this week.

I feel like I have ridden a teeter totter of emotions lately, up in the air, kicking my legs at the height, enjoying the peaceful ebbs of the ups and downs when things are balanced, but also experiencing a few jolts that bring a sting.

Now, to be fair, there is the menopause thing going on.  I think menopause is its own teeter totter, physically and emotionally.

But so you get a sense of the ride lately, this is what is going on.

We had been praying about what God wanted us to do and where He wanted us to be for over a year now.  I felt like we were in a holding pattern.

We waited.  I wish I could say I was always patient during the process.

I tried. I failed some days.  I tried, again.

Up and down.  Highs and lows.

Somewhere during the waiting process, my prayers changed to being more thankful.  When you are stressed about things, praying thankful prayers doesn’t come naturally.  At least it didn’t/doesn’t for me.  But, once I started, it became easier.  It was easier to see how much to be thankful for.  I had neglected to remind myself, He was the one that had always taken care of us.  He had always provided a place for us, and means for us and a way for us.  I just needed to trust Him.

Trust – that thing that can be so hard for me to do at times.

Trusting Him means being giving over:  self, marriage, children, family, friends, home, finances, pets, possessions, community, work, hobbies, ministries, everything.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   Jer. 29:11

When we moved here we thought it would be for a short time.

That was over 19 years ago.

God has other plans for us now.

I don’t believe in coincidences.  I believe in God-incidences.  Seemingly out of “nowhere” hubby got a call about a job that they wanted to talk to him about.  At the same time, our youngest got a job offer in his desired field and has moved out.

So we are officially empty nesters.

We are working, cleaning out, down-sizing, and moving.

20+ years of stuff to go through – need I say more?

We continue to worship with a church community that has been a source of spiritual growth, trusting Him for our next church community.

We are watching others step up to the ministry of helping the homeless in our area that we have been a part of for 3 years as we wait to see what ministry opportunities He has in store for us.

We are saying our goodbyes to friends, not knowing if/when our paths will cross again.

Laughter and tears.  Tears and laughter.

Up and down, up and down I’ve been riding the emotional teeter totter lately.  Some days I am better at it than others.

This morning I was reminded of these words:

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.  Phil 4:4-9

He’s got this.  He is in control of the teeter totter.

My feet are lifted off the ground, I trust you Lord as you take me up and I trust the stings.  What I think are stings are just your mercies towards blessings on the ride.  When I look back at the ride, it is then I see your mercy and the ride is that much sweeter.

Sitting Down For A Chat

~ Denise ~ 7 Comments

I had a discussion with a friend the other day about some struggles they were having.  While I was in the midst of it I heard echoes of discussions I’ve had with myself and other friends over the last five years or so.

We were talking about uncertainty, instability, financial insecurity, fear of the unknown, loss of relationships, all intertwined with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and betrayal, accompanied with health issues neatly rounding off the package.

What I shared with them that day and I hope that I conveyed, is what I’ve learned about myself slowly and painfully.

It involves trust.

I have had an issue, and if I am not careful, I can still have an issue with trust.

I have this part of my personality that likes to know “the plan”.   If I don’t know “the plan”, I have been known to mentally spend hours devising “Plan A”, “Plan B”, “Plan C”, well, you get the picture.

On the plus side, this gift can work well in certain organizational and job skills.  It enables one to prioritize and administer goals and tasks, and can also help with vision casting.

On the minus side, this gift has shifted my focus at times off of what God has in plan.  When during the course of my life, “my timing” is different than “His timing”; that is when I’ve faltered or become afraid.

I don’t think I’m the only one that feels like this.

Well, truthfully, I know I’m not.  Often, in my ladies small group we would talk about things like this.  We “know” the right answer; we know we are supposed to lay our concerns down.  It is just hard to “do it”.  Or admit it is a struggle.

If you can relate to any of the above feelings, welcome to the group.

Probably a year or so ago, I kept asking Jesus this question if ever I was sad, angry, afraid, felt betrayed or confused:

“What is at the root of this feeling?”

It came back to trust.  However, what the Holy Spirit pressed into my heart was who I ultimately was not trusting.

I wasn’t trusting God.  That is as painful to type as it is to admit  then and now.

Were there circumstances or people contributing at the time to those feelings?  Yes.  Were there decisions or actions that I needed to make or confront?  Yes.

However, at the root, the intensity of my feelings was something else.  I wasn’t trusting God.

­­Gently, the Holy Spirit reminded me…. hasn’t He always been there for me?  Yes, Lord. You have been.

Any residue of sadness for a relationship with my Dad or my siblings…. hasn’t He always been there for me…always loving me? Yes, Lord, you have always loved me, even when I haven’t been loving or loved you as I should.

Any residue of betrayal or bitterness from past experiences…. hasn’t He always been beside me, understood any pain, loved me? Yes, Lord, you who endured what I can not even imagine, carried the weight of all sin, mine included, before I even came to be.

Haven’t I always had a roof over my head and food on my plate?  Hasn’t He always made provisions for me, even when I’ve forgotten to thank Him on occasions?  Forgive me Lord, for the many times I’ve neglected to thank you for all you have provided, and even begin to hint in my mind that I in some way contribute to it.  Everything is a gift from you.

I knew those things.  I know those things.  I just needed to be reminded.  I also needed to confess my sin of lack of trust.

Trusting God means you figuratively stand at a precipice of the unknown and willing jump off into His arms.

I haven’t been willing to do that too many times in the past.

I want to know what nets are in place.  I want to know what security measures there are.

Trusting Him means not knowing those answers.

Trusting Him means giving up things once thought important.

Trusting Him means following His lead when it doesn’t seem popular, or comfortable.

Trusting Him means sharing what little you have, when you’re not sure what will come in next.

Do I know what that means for me tomorrow, or the next, or the day or after that?

No.

That is what trusting Him all is about.

Is that scary sometimes?  Yes, I must admit it is – until I look backwards.

And that is when I remind myself, hasn’t He always provided for me?  Hasn’t He always taken care of me?  Hasn’t He always been there for me?

He has been faithful.  I’ve been the one to doubt and to fear.

Will I be weak and be fearful or worry again?  Probably so, that “need a plan” is part of my personality.  However, hopefully I have learned to recognize when I’m not trusting and confess that sin, and lay it at His feet.

Being thankful.  Making the mental shift.  It is when I do that I can see how He has blessed and provided.  I feel His peace.

Thankfully His presence isn’t about our feelings, He is always with us.  Always present, always faithful.  Always trustworthy.

I am the one that just needs to remember at times.

How about you?

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again:  Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and  your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received from me, or seen in me – put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:4-9