Tag: Old Testament

Grappling

~ Denise ~ 6 Comments

Why do I believe in God?

Do you believe in God?

How could you believe in a God who allows such things to happen?

I’m sure these are the questions and discussions going on after the tragic killing in the Connecticut school yesterday.

On my Facebook page there were countless posts and pictures remembering the victims.  One in particular had me thinking this morning.  The original post was from a “concerned student” asking God “why He allowed such violence in schools”, with God’s response being “I’m not allowed in schools anymore”.  What had me thinking this morning was a comment made.  The comment was:  “we should definitely instill imaginary friends that people can pretend to talk to in impressionable young minds. That should keep the crazy away”.

Imaginary friends.

So, I was thinking, how would I explain to this person that I believe in God.

Now, when I was younger my answer would have been (if I was being honest), I’m afraid not too.

I didn’t understand that the God of the Old Testament was the same God of the New Testament.  I was afraid of the Old Testament God, he seemed mean.  To be fair, I didn’t really read the Old Testament in it’s entirety so I didn’t have a clear picture.  I only had bits and pieces of the Old Testament told to me.  Now I can see a different picture.  The God in the Old Testament was a loving God, and one to be respected, honored and obeyed, with consequences for disobedience.  Now I feel I have a clearer understanding of what being in awe of God is.

I also didn’t understand Jesus.  I had been given mixed messages about who he was.  I didn’t understand that Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit were one and the same.  I figured if my logical mind couldn’t explain it, that it wasn’t right.  I mean that was what I was taught.  I was told you couldn’t question God, he didn’t like that.  Throughout scriptures we see people questioning, and grappling with God, making God their own.  Read the story of Jacob in Genesis 32:22-32

These are just some of the reasons I believe in God:

Like the air that I breath and can’t see, even though I can’t see God, I know He is there.

I see evidence of God in creation and the natural order around me.  I like the details.

Even when I haven’t seeked Him, he has cared and provided for my needs.

The logical side of my brain is satisifed with the eyewitness accounts and testimonies records both in Scripture and elsewhere of the life of Jesus.

I believe He is the there even when I don’t feel His presence.  (I am really thankful for this!  Psalm 139:7-10)

At our very core, I believe we all feel like we were put here for a reason, a purpose.  I believe we have this “God-hole”, this need in us that we try to fill.  For myself, for many years I tried to fill it with other things.  Some were not the best things, some were good things.  Either way, that “God-hole” didn’t get filled until I sought Him.

When I realized that Jesus was throwing out grappling lines to me instead of spears of condemnation.  I grabbed on.

My life changed.

Do I understand how and why bad things happen?  No.

God is sovereign.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.  Isaiah 55:8,9

He is eternal.  He is the Alpha and Omega.  The Beginning and the End.

My mind can’t really grasp that.  Knowing all things…everything, before it happens, all the answers, all the plans, all the time.  He does.

For I know the plans I have for you declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jer. 29:11

A plan.  A future.  This home is not our permanent home.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.  I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem  coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband.  And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them.  They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.  He will wipe every tear from their eyes,  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!”  Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

He said to me:  “It is done.  I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.  To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.  He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.  But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars – their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.  This is the second death.”  Rev. 21:1-8

I know the end of the story.

The Jesus that lay in the manger, came to the world, knowing he was going to suffer a painful death.  He did that for me, He did that for you.   It is overwhelming.

Evil will not triumph.

Have you grabbed His grappling lines?

Let Him wipe away your tears.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.  John 3:16

The Promised Land

~ Denise ~ 2 Comments

Today I was lowered into a tub of water.   Renewed, refreshed, and washed cleaned.

I was 15 the first time I was baptized, young, giving my life to God as I understood him; however I was also a Jehovah’s Witness.  Being baptized as a JW means you are baptized into that cult.  At the time I didn’t fully understand the ramifications.

As I questioned the hypocrisy and the teachings of the JW’s, I moved out and disassociated myself from them in my early 20’s, however, they still considered me a JW.  The witnesses, or my parents, looked for a reason to take action against me I guess, sort of an “example”.  Often one of my parents would try to call or stop by my apartment to try to “catch me” in some sort of sin.  By the year 1984, I found myself dealing with a roller coaster of emotions.  In the Spring, the JW’s disfellowshipped/shunned me after a prompting by my father stating I was not living a Christian life to their standards.   During the early part of July, we buried my mother after a cancer battle, and my father denied my presence at the casket when JW’s approached.    Later, in October, I was married, and my father boycotted attending our wedding and my siblings felt pressured to follow his example.

I felt betrayed, abandoned, unworthy and unloved by my father and siblings.   Mainly by my father.

It took me quite a few stubborn, bitter years to acknowledge my part in any of my sins for how the JW’s have treated me.

“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us”.  1 John 1:8

It wasn’t until Oct, 1988 that I was able to reconcile my life to God, and started my spiritual awakening and understanding of Jesus Christ.

Understanding Jesus and what He has done for me was like a refreshing drink of water to a thirsty soul.

Grace a gift, freely given.

Sins, once confessed, are then forgotten.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us”  Psalm 103:12

People, were the ones that were continually judging and condemning me, not God.  Not only could I forgive my family, I could forgive myself.  Looking back, I can see how he has used some of those desert wandering years.  One day I will understand all the pieces.

I re-affirmed my baptism in the Lutheran Church, however, I would still think about it once in a while.   The whole JW thing would still haunt me at times.   I’d talk to different pastors about it.  I was told re-baptism wasn’t necessary and/or they’d forget about it.  So, I’d stop thinking about it, for awhile.

I didn’t want to negate that I originally gave my life to YAHWEH and Jesus that I knew and loved at that time, just negate the cult.  I’d wonder:  how confusing would it be to see me doing it again, and I’d think I would have to explain my story.  For years I didn’t want to talk about my experiences with the JW’s.  See, I was in control of my story.  Who I told, and who I didn’t.

However, it started coming to my mind again.  Recently during my small group, it came up.  Actually, I brought it up, and the girls said to me, usually if God wants you to do something he will keep bringing something to your mind.   I was reminded that my understanding was a more mature understanding, not the youthful understanding I had.  I most definitely had spiritually grown.

So I deliberately prayed about it.

“Okay Lord, if this is something you want me to do, nag me about it.  Hound me about this.  I mean ALL the time, so much that I HAVE to come to a decision of either doing it or accepting I’m okay with where I am.  Resolve this for me.  I don’t want to not do this because of pride, what will people think, I want to be obedient to you, so hound me Lord.  Oh, and if it’s not too much trouble; on Sunday, let there be a message about baptism to confirm it.”

That Sunday there was a message about upcoming baptisms and Jeff talked about Jehovah’s Witnesses in his sermon.  Does God have a sense of humor or what?

These last few weeks we’ve been studying about Exodus on Sunday mornings.  The last few years I’ve been studying, reading and re-reading the Old Testament.

I don’t think this is a coincidence.  This is a God-incidence.  This is a God’s thumb print puzzle piece.

Over and over again YAHWEH asks his people – do you trust me?

Over and over again He’s asked me – do you trust me?

Time and time again he’s told His people:

Yes, you’ve seen struggle in finances, health, jobs and relationships.  My power is made perfect in weaknesses.  I am in control.

You try to control things and it never works out the way you ‘think it should’.  Dear one, I’m glad you want to help, but give in.  I am in control.

You’ve had people hurt you and others you love with sinful and unloving behavior.  I love them as much as I love you.  I am in control.

You’ve been betrayed and abandoned by people who you’ve trusted.  I was, I am, I will be.  I AM NOT LEAVING YOU.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16

My JW life has been dead and gone, and now it has been washed clean from me.  My life and story is His to control as He sees fit.

I see the Promised Land.  I want to cross over.