Tag: Love

Hear me now, I am redeemed!

~ Denise ~ 5 Comments

This sorting and packing has me finding a lot of different things.  Squirreled away were some notes from my sister about why she and the rest of the family wouldn’t be attending our wedding, my journal from the months my Mom struggled with cancer, her funeral, all the feelings I was having around the time my family began their shunning of me.    My choice was to challenge and question what I had been taught for years and make my own choices, not what I was told to do.   I used to rehearse what I would say if I ran into my Dad when I went to a family funeral, or if I was visiting a relative on my Mother’s side.  That hasn’t happened.  One day while traveling to see my Dad’s sister in a nursing home, I remember telling Craig, I’m not going to worry about what I would say if I see him, if it happens, it does, and the Holy Spirit will help me to say what I need to say.  That was freeing.

Lately, God has reminded me this truth:  You are redeemed.  I saw a post on Facebook,  I am redeemed.  My soul cried out yes!  I’ve been hearing Big Daddy Weave’s, Redeemed, and my soul cries yes, thank you Lord!

And so, from out of that soulful feeling when I found the notes and my journal came this:

Dad,

This is the conversation we don’t have.  It would be the elephant in the room, if we were ever in the same room.  That I don’t foresee happening, because you stubbornly hold what you feel you are doing is right.  And I will not do what you want me to do.

It shouldn’t surprise you then that I got my share of stubbornness from both you and Mom.  Maybe in some corner of you there is sense of connection you feel about that.  I wouldn’t know.  We don’t talk.  We haven’t talked for a very long time.  On the rare occasion you have called me, you announce  “it’s your Dad”, like I wouldn’t recognize your voice.   I do.  The fact that you feel you have to do that just emphasizes the distance in our relationship.   I think the last time I heard your voice is what like, 6 years ago, on the answering machine?  I think the last time I actually saw you was at Grandmom’s funeral in 1995.

Why?  Because you hold your denomination rules and regulations over a parental relationship.

Hear me now,

I am redeemed.

Religion says fix yourself, change yourself, do this, do that and then you can be accepted.  You don’t live up to the standard; you can’t live up to the standard.  You aren’t worthy.  For years I bought into that lie.

Then I met Christ.  The gospel, the good news is Jesus loves me right where I am, and loves me enough to draw me closer to Him.  Jesus is the one who will change me; I don’t have to do it alone, I just had to ask Him.

Here me now,

I am redeemed.

Now, about that elephant.

Do you know how deeply you hurt me when you denied me as your daughter at Mom’s casket?  Seemed like you did it so casually.   It will be 29 years ago in July, but I still remember it.  It was completely acceptable to you have people ignore and “shun” me during that time, including yourself.  When I tried to talk you about it, your response was “I brought it on myself, I knew better”.

Abandoned was how I felt.  That isn’t the first time I’ve felt that way by you, and it wouldn’t be the last.

I felt like I lost both my parents.  But then, that was the goal.  That is the purpose of the shunning thing.  Cut off ties.    Say things like I won’t turn you away if you show up, however I’m not inviting you to the house.    Tell them you won’t visit them, and don’t.  Get re-married, but don’t invite.  Don’t call unless you think you “have to”, and leave the conversation on the note you’d like to talk more often, but it’s because of my actions you don’t.  Tell Craig you would go to his wedding if he married someone other than me, but you couldn’t go to ours, and didn’t.  I did think you might be more interested in your grandchildren.  I was wrong.

The whole purpose of shunning is to make the person shunned miserable, guilty and lonely so that they run back to the witnesses.  That is what you wanted, me to confess my sins to the witnesses and go back to being a witness, again.  It didn’t seem to matter what changes I made in my life.  They didn’t live up to the organization standards.  Wouldn’t that mean you’ve made the watchtower organization an idol over God’s Word?   It isn’t up to them to decide if I’m forgiven or not for my sins.

Understand, I’m not blaming you for any poor choices I’ve made in my life.  I’m responsible for them, just like you are responsible for yours.   There were years I was angry with you.   Bitter, sad, then resigned to your treatment.  Now those feelings have been replaced, with thankfulness.

Thing is, when you along with my siblings decided to cut me off from your life, along with most of your family, I didn’t run back.

I ran forward.

And I am thankful.

Thankful that I ran forward to the One who said I love you just the way you are, who would never forsake or abandon me.   The One who loved me when I didn’t love myself.  Who loved me enough not to leave me the way I was but to draw me to closer to Him.

The One who knew my name while embedded on the Cross.   He unconditionally loved me and bore my sins before I even came to be.

I choose Jesus.

Because of Him, I am redeemed.

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.  There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  Rom. 3:22-24

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.  1 John 1:8

My prayers over the years have been that your hearts turn.   Turn toward a heart of understanding the truth.   Run forward, Dad.  Leave the ghosts behind.  Be free.  He’s waiting for you at the foot of the Cross.

I’m not going back.

Here me now,

I am redeemed.  Thank God, redeemed.

“You Is”

~ Denise ~ 8 Comments

You is kind.

You is smart.

You is important.

Some of my favorite lines from the movie, The Help. (Kathryn Stockett)

I was reminded today of someone who made people feel that way when they talked to them.

Let me step back a moment first though.

I’ve recently started a part-time job, and one of the things that I’m trying to do is remember alot of new names and faces.  I was thinking about some of them this morning and also thinking about some of the little personal things that I already knew about them that is helping me remember and building that personal connection or relationship with them.

My community is expanding.

It is when we listen, share and learn something personal about the people around us that we can really learn to care and love each other.  The person who seems distant may be shy or have a relative in the hospital.  A seemingly imposing figure may just be a giant of a teddy bear.  How do we find this out?  By mainly taking the time to listen.

Too often when I’m busy, or when I’m “on a project” I can get so focused, I forget to listen.  I’m so engrossed with what I’m doing or what project I want to accomplish that I tune out what is happening around me.  I can get mired down in the details, particularly when there is a deadline, and focus so much on the details that anyone not working around me I can become critical of.  Sometimes I will tell the person, and sometimes I may not vocalize it, but I’m thinking it.  I’m talking about people doing their job, not just sliding by or passing the buck.

Working hard is okay, being judgemental isn’t.   As I’ve aged, matured I recognize the negative traits in me quicker.  I’m not proud of them, I’m just stating a truth.

Sigh.  Forgive me, Lord for my sins.  I’ll let you handle theirs.  Forgive my impatience.

I’m striving for a more balanced approach.  I’ve seen that example in Scripture, over and over.  (I must not be the only one that needs the constant reminder)  Jesus always took time to talk to people, made a personal connection with people.  Never too busy.

With this strived, balanced approach of being produtive and aware, I was thinking how could I show this to the people I have met?  Perhaps, asking one girl about her van that was in the shop, to show I was paying attention, or asking about the health of a loved one.

I started thinking, ‘I am never going to remember all this’.  (As mentioned, I’m maturing, i.e., mind can only hold so much).

I thought about someone in my life who had a knack for remembering names, details, it seemed about all the people she came in contact with.  I thought about my Aunt MaryAnn.

She had a way of making you feel special when you talked to her.  She remembered things about you.  You were important to her.  She asked questions.  She listened.

At her funeral, my cousin, Michael talked about her special gifts.  He said she had a way of always making you feel special, and when she talked to you and asked you questions, she really wanted to know about you and what was going on.  He said she was so interested in the lives of those she cared for and loved.  He talked about running into people that he hadn’t seen in a while who would know all about him and his family, because his Mom would have talked with them and was current with their families’ going’s on and vice versa.  (We are talking down to children and grandchildren!)

She was an encourager with her words.  You couldn’t stay down in the dumps.  She was a motivator, even during her battle with ovarian cancer.

My last, lengthly conversation with her was happy and bittersweet.  She wanted to know all about my family and how everyone was doing and what was going on.  She wanted to celebrate with me any accomplishments.  She had soothing words for family that is not around.  She had joyous words for loved ones around her.  She had peaceful, confident words for where she was going.  I was able to say goodbye, for now, and I love you.  Too often we don’t get that chance.

So, I’m thinking today about those around me.

Jesus feels the same way about them.  He feels the same way about me.  He feels the same way about you.

You is kind.

You is special.

You is important.

Tea for Two

~ Denise ~ 9 Comments

Just tea for two
And two for tea
Just me for you
And you for me

A little tinkle of a melody triggers fond memories and weaves it spell on a few of my favorite things.

As I have often said, I loved to visit and spend time with my maternal Grandmother.  One thing we did together was have tea.

When I was little, we would have what we called “Cambrick Tea”.  Perhaps it had a different name, perhaps I pronounced it wrong.  I did have a little trouble with some of my speech (but that is another story).  This is the way I remember saying it.  It consisted of warm milk, warm water, and sugar.  As I got older, my teacup started having proper tea in it.

Having tea, whether real or Cambrick was special.

Sometimes, we used little teacups, or demi cups, with the daintiest of handles.  Such petite, pretty, cups.  Now, as I’ve ahem, aged  matured, I realize older fingers aren’t as nimble as the younger ones, and wonder if she would have preferred the larger cups.  Grandmom didn’t complain though, she would get out these tiny plastic spoons for stirring sugar in the tea, otherwise we would use gold spoons.

Most times we used regular sized teacups.  There was a large assortment of porcelain cups with pastel roses.  Sometimes we used teacups with an iridescent quality that glistened like pearls.  She also had a cup that a man would use to protect his mustache.  I thought it was the funniest thing.  She told me it was used by my Great Great Grandfather.  The cup was fine white porcelain surrounded with a thin gold band.  I think about that cup when I see all the mustache things now-a-days.  I wonder what happened to that cup?

Some days we would have lunch or some sort of snack on her shell shaped plates where our cups would nestle in the ready made indentation.

I was always allowed to select the cups and the teapot.

She had different teapots, however my favorite was the one that had a wind-up music box on the bottom that played Tea for Two.  If she tired of me always picking the same one, she never complained.

I know we didn’t dress for the occasion.  Often she would sit in her comfortable chair, our tea things placed in a tray on an organ bench in front of her.  I’d sit nearby on an old settee or on my knees on the floor.

When I moved into my first apartment, she gave me a brown teapot which had been in the family for years.  I’d use it once in a while.  But mostly I made my tea in just a mug.

After I was married, and we were moving out of state, the moving truck stopped by Grandmom’s to pick up an old dresser and bed to add to the truck along with “a few things she packed”.  She told me later she “wanted to climb in the truck when she saw all our things”.

When we unpacked, the teapot, teacups and plates were among some of the things she gave us.

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We were blessed to have her visit us in that house we moved to back then, and also to stay with us for a few weeks.  She also was able to visit us in almost every move we made until her death.

Tea, warms me inside.  Somehow, tea tastes better from that little teapot.

Even though there may be only one teacup when tea is served on some occasions, there is always two in my mind and heart.

OSS Kitchen Pondering

~ Denise ~ Leave a comment

Well the beans are soaking here for tomorrow’s New Orleans style red beans and rice to take down to the Park, and I know that Keith and Rebecca have either finished their grocery shopping or getting what they need for  spaghetti , plus Carolyn’s probably has her cornbread finished already.  There are others that help with food, paper products, monetary donations, clothing, hygiene supplies, and their help is greatly appreciated!  However, my mind is in tomorrow’s “kitchen duty” right now so please don’t be offended if your name(s) weren’t mentioned!

Lately, we have been serving @ 150 people at the Park.  I know that because I tried to take some sort of count last week to verify what we thought we have been serving.

That was interesting…….Count while trying to talk to people.

I came up with a system.   That is if you want to call it a system…….well, at least I am.   I’d mentally count off 10 people, visually try to take a “snap shot” of that person, and take an empty cup and put it in a pile.  Then when that person came up to the drink station, I’d start over again. (It worked for the most part.) 🙂  So, allowing for the occasional person that wandered in and out, and also allowing for the times that I would talk and forget to count, it put us around 145-150.

Originally we thought that when the Transitions facility opened that we would see less traffic.  So far that has not been the case.  The other thing we noticed that while we do see some familiar faces that occasionally stop by and visit, for the most part we are serving a completely different group of people.  Some have been homeless for a while, we just haven’t seen them before, and some are recently homeless.  They are just beginning to slowly talk to us.

I can give you some update on a few I’ve mentioned in the past.  Chuck has had some recent tests done on a tumor on his knee that he is awaiting results on.  He’s moved into the next stage of Transitions housing and seems to be doing well there.  Sophie & Trey stop by once in a while to say hello they tell us that they want to make sure that if they are okay for that day food-wise, they let someone else that might be hungry get their share.  John pretty much does the same thing.

I’m not exactly sure how many of the guys are staying up at Transitions and still stop down and visit us on Mondays.  We enjoy seeing them, it gives us a chance to catch up on each others lives. They still need our help as far as we’re concerned.  The lunch they get at Transitions is a light lunch if they eat there, and they enjoy the home-cooked food we serve.  Personally, we think it’s the company!  🙂

I was surprised to hear one of the guys say that some of the area churches were actually telling  them that they couldn’t eat at their “soup kitchens” if they were staying at Transitions because they weren’t considered “homeless” anymore.   I thought that was really a sad statement.  The whole point of the facility was to give the homeless a place to get on their feet and to assist them as a community along with the support of the community.

I don’t find that being Biblical.  Just saying.

Maybe that’s why it seems to be taking a little longer to build up trust.  I don’t know.

Then I’m reminded I don’t need to know the “why’s” and the “what not’s”.

I just need to do what I can.

Show His love.

So, soak on beans……

What does love mean to me?

~ Denise ~ 2 Comments

The Daily Post sent this topic suggestion on August 5 which I knew I wanted to blog about as soon as I saw it.

Unfortunately, that thought became a quick note on a scrap of paper which then had to be found, deciphered, memory jogged, thoughts organized…well you get the drift…..

I have been reading a book entitled  Sandpaper People by Mary Southerland and been thinking and pondering on this verse for over a month now:

Isaiah 43:4

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.”

They are powerful love words.  Think about God saying that to you:

You are precious.  Your are valued and honored to me.  I love you.  I care for you so much that I would give up other people for you, that’s how much I love you.

Makes you feel good inside to feel loved.  When we love others it can be easy to feel and show love.  We are asked to “love our neighbor as ourselves”.  Ah, now sometimes that can be a little harder.  Particularly when your feelings are hurt.

Part of loving people is accepting them “just as they are”.   I know I want to be loved “just as I am”.

Back to the verse:

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.”

Love to me means taking the “you” and replacing it with the name of “someone else”.

Sometimes that can be easy.   Sometimes that is can be soooo hard.

Think about it.

Stop right now and re-read that verse below and put in the name of the person that you might be angry mildly annoyed with, put in the image of the person today who irritated you while you were driving, put in the face of the rude sales person, or remember it applies to you and me when, quite frankly we have been a pain in the butt.

Replace that “blank line” with the name of someone I love, I like, I enjoy, someone I’m feeling good about – easy.  Replace that “blank line” with the name of someone who has hurt me, or someone I encounter during the day that I find abrasive, or as Mary calls “sandpaper” – that makes it a little harder.

And, being honest here, sometimes the ones I love, like and enjoy I have to consciously make a choice to put their name there when they’ve hurt my feelings.

Since _________ are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love ________, I will give men in exchange for ___________, and people in exchange for ___________ life.

So, how did you do?

It isn’t always easy is it?

I have to remind myself that I am always screwing up.  I’m always making mistakes.  That is our human nature.  So usually, when it can be hard for me to put someone’s name in that blank line, I’m usually reminded of my shortcomings.  My mental conversation usually ends up with the “duh” moment for me of “oh, okay I’m like that too in such and such” (confession), seeking His forgiveness, and then giving forgiveness.  And, having total disclosure here, sometimes that takes me awhile, depending on the size of my hurt.  Sometimes my past hurts come back to haunt me and I have to go through the process all over again.  Sigh.

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it is a choice.  A choice between God and us.

God’s greatest gift and our deepest need is forgiveness.

We usually stop forgiving when we run out of patience, however, there should be no limits to our forgiveness, because there are no limits to the forgiveness of God.  We can stop forgiving when we run out of His forgiveness.

“God made you alive in Christ.  He forgave all our sins.  He canceled the record that contained the charges against us.  He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ’s cross”

Colossians 2:13-14

Love.  Forgiveness given freely as a gift on the cross.  A choice.

Love.

And, in God’s great sense of humor, during the whole lengthy time it took for me to post, leave it sit in blog draft mode for edit, He reminded me that I neglect to read that verse and put my own name there sometimes.  I mean I read the word “you” and don’t even think about me sometimes.  Talk about a “duh”.

At my Women’s Group we have visualized the conversations and humorous expressions that Jesus may have with us over some of the “duh” moments one day.  Of course they are all delivered in a loving way.

Keep reminding me Lord.

Yeah, that’s what loves means to me.  🙂

Post A Week Topic…Well what do you know!

~ Denise ~ 2 Comments

As I’ve mentioned, before, I’ve been part of this Post A Week experiment, and they send these topics to you to help give you ideas to blog about.  I’ve seen many good ones, just haven’t gotten around to writing about some of them.  Well the topic the other day that came across my phone was “Should you help the homeless?“….my first reaction…

Well, duh…

If you have been following this blog, you pretty much know where I stand on the topic…

Then I had to really think about how much my thoughts and opinions have changed about the homeless over the last years.  God certainly has been working inside me!

So, I realize that this topic is something that will create much discussion.  This is a good thing!  The more blogs I’ve been reading, the more I see God at work in the homeless community.  I see His name praised and glory given to Him through the trials and valleys.

These scriptures came to mind, as I was thinking of this topic:

Matthew 22:34:40

34 Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

The second greatest  commandment:  Love your neighbor as yourself.

If we are really seeing the homeless, then how can we not help the homeless?

How we help is our choice.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support with Operation Soup and Smokes!  This past week we served over 135 at the park!  We saw some people that we haven’t seen for awhile, heard that some have moved to be with family, some are in temporary housing, and unfortunately some in trouble.  We will continue on helping as we can, one bowl, one smile, one conversation, one friendship.  We have always had enough to serve everyone.  God has been faithful!  Yeah God!