That’s what I was for over a month while we moved into our new home and waited until the cable company had the equipment they needed to hook up whatever they needed to make the box sitting in our front yard “work”.
I was beginning to get a little antsy. (I can hear Craig saying “beginning?”)
I’d like to say I filled those quiet times with extra study times and additional prayer.
My intentions were good.
However, my actions didn’t always follow through.
Sigh.
Instead, I’d often have bursts of either frantic box-emptying until my feet or body would wear out, or organization ideas to decide where to put stuff, or thought about what might have to go (we need to down-size some more). Then of course there are the occasional items that need to be purchased. I know, seriously, get rid of, and then obtain. Trust me I know it sounds ridiculous, but some things you have to purchase.
During the TV free, internet free, and until I unpacked a radio, radio-free time, I thought about the Amish expression of how they live a simple life because it brings them closer to God.
Now I was born and raised in surrounding Amish country, and both our boys have often teased me and told me I was raised Amish even though I was not. I have lived around Amish, there was even an Amish lady who used to come and care for us now and then when I was younger and even went on the occasional family trip. I must have told a tale or two about her when they were growing up. Boys like to tease their mothers when they can.
I’m digressing.
Being in farm country again, had me thinking about the farms I saw growing up and the Amish. They may have lived in simpler homes, but they were always busy. Sometimes simple can mean more work depending on what it is. They were never idle. I don’t recall them being still.
I don’t think it matters who you are or where you are from, we all struggle with being still. Even people who we think live simple lives find things to do to occupy their time and their minds to keep themselves busy and find themselves away from God at sometime or another.
There is always a chore, always something to cook, always a child to care for, something to plant, something to harvest, something to think about, etc. etc. We slip so easily into thinking we have to do this “one” thing before we can be still. The next thing we know we have done another, and another and another. I can easily slip into this pattern. Trying to keep the pendulum balanced.
Being still, that for me is a purposeful action on my part. I guess that is an oxymoron. I mean that I deliberately have to choose to be still. To quiet my actions, and that includes that hamster wheel of thoughts in my head.
Being still.
How better to get to know Him.
When I am still, I find that He has been patiently waiting all along.
When I am still, I find out how much I have missed Him.
When I am still, I find out how quickly I feel His love.
This morning I looked out the back window to see two birds hopping from branch to branch. They were burying their beaks in clumps of flowers in a busy way. I was trying to see if there was a pattern to which branch they choose. The only thing I could tell was they were purposeful, not lackadaisical in their mission.
They were seeking hidden treasures.
Some of the branches where weighted from the rain the night before and became a precarious perch, however, resting lightly they would still stay, and then would take flight and nestle on a sturdier one to drink longer.
I watched for a while, knowing if I moved from the window to grab a camera, I would startle them. So I just enjoyed the moment.
A few minutes later I sat down to enjoy my daily devotion from Jesus Calling by Sarah Young where she spoke of approaching each new day desiring to find Him. Finding the hidden treasures strategically placed along the way, each day. Some treasures are trials, designed to shake us free from earth-shackles. Others are blessings designed to reveal Him. Things like sunshine, flowers, birds, friendships, answered prayer.
He is there all along the way. We just need to seek the hidden treasures.
I love to think of this as when He shows me Godincidences, something that He had happen in a remarkable way, and if I’m being still I’ll notice.
I need to be a more purposeful bird seeking the hidden treasures on the branches of my day, drinking them in. Too often I go about my day and forget to notice the all treasures He has placed along the way. I might find myself on a precarious perch and I’m too busy thinking about when I’m going to get off, not what treasures are there. I need to be a purposeful bird, finding the treasures, regardless of the breezes that flow through the branches, secure in the fact that the treasures are there.
Forgive me Lord, when I forget this. Thank you Lord for forgiving me, immediately, when I confess this, and blessing me with your loving reminders of your love. Amen.
My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Colossians 2:2,3
This morning, I talked to my Dad after well, I don’t remember how many years.
He was hesitant, slightly awkward sounding, but yet anxious to talk. He proceeded to tell me he had been busy the day before going door to door, giving a talk (Jehovah’s Witness language for preaching) in the evening, and had missed seeing my call until later at night.
We talked about my message that we had moved.
Mid discussion, I prayed for the right words. I prayed for what I needed.
Compassion is what Jesus gave me. Compassion, and the confidence to speak boldly in love.
I heard sadness when he told me that he still loves me and thinks of me, and that it’s just a shame.
I could sense a tired man in his 80’s. I could hear the sadness, but also a holding on to a life of what he believes.
As gently and lovingly as I could I told him I loved him too, but that he needed to understand that any of my past sins have been forgiven and forgotten by Jesus and they are gone and in the past, and it was too bad he didn’t feel that way too.
He mentioned something about yes, God sits in judgment of us, and that he does say he will forgive us.
I told him Christ forgave me years ago, and I was secure in that belief. I was good about it. I wish he felt that way too. God sits in judgment, not men, or more importantly religious organizations. That was something he would had to come to grips with.
He started talking about other things. Pleasantries, like the weather, and how his sister, my aunt was doing.
When he said he thought of me over the years, I told him that I thought of him too, and while I may have wanted to call him or talk to him before I didn’t. I didn’t because I felt like I was honoring his statements of no contact. But that part of me wanted to just call anyway because I don’t agree with his position. So I felt like I was honoring his wishes but I did not agree with it. This also was something he had to come to grips with.
It was like our roles were reversed, where at one time I would have been quiet and listened while he talked; now I was bold.
A few more pleasantries, and then the conversation ended.
I’m not looking back on what else I could have or might have said.
What will become of this? I don’t know.
But I know who does.
Lord,
Thank you for giving me a glimpse of seeing through your eyes.
Forgive me when I look just through mine at those around me……..including my Dad.
That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.”
Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip. Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.
Jacob didn’t always know God. He knew of him. But he didn’t know him.
In Genesis 27:20, Jacob refers to the LORD as Isaac’s God, he had not made God his own. He had not had a personal connection with Him. In Genesis 32, you see Jacob’s change. Jacob had struggled all his life, first with his brother Esau, then with Laban, now Jacob realized it was with God that he would “wrestle”. Jacob’s persistence was rewarded with a blessing.
Did that mean Jacob stopped wrestling with God? No, by the end of Genesis 33 we find Jacob lingering near Shechem instead of being obedient by going to Bethel (exit mention of God). Genesis 34 records the trouble (to put it mildly) for him and his family. It is in chapter 35 of Genesis that we see Jacob repenting, and God assuring him again of his blessings.
And there are people who can’t relate to the Old Testament? Seriously?
I seem to find myself back there a lot.
At some time during our lives we all “wrestle” in deciding to make God ours or not.
Just like Jacob.
Then, you wrestle, even when you’re not aware of it, well, at least you I try to tell yourself myself that anyway.
Just like Jacob.
I’ve been wrestling lately.
I’ve been wrestling the feeling for weeks that Jesus has asked me to call my father.
The internal dialogue has gone something like this:
I want you to call your father and tell him you are moving.
I don’t want to.
I know you don’t. That is why I’m asking you to.
Do you think he really cares where I am? He will just reject me again.
–silence—
How about I send him a letter? You know, that way I’m reaching out, but I won’t have to listen to him tell me again it’s ‘my fault’ that he doesn’t call me.
–silence—
Look, I found some things that were Mom’s, maybe I should send them to him? How about that?
That would be nice. You know, though, the loving thing would be to call him, tell him you are moving. The only contact number he has for you will disappear once you move.
Well, it’s not like he calls me. You know what he thinks, and how he feels about calling me, he doesn’t. It has been years since he has called me, and that was only because someone had died, and then it was after the fact. I’ll call him after I send the things with a letter. You know break the ice.
–silence—
Lord, things are happening so quickly. I sometimes can’t believe we are moving. There are so many things to do.
I thought you were going to send something to your Dad?
Well, I was going to, you know, but been really busy getting everything ready for the move, and well, I didn’t have time to sit down and put my thoughts together clearly.
Didn’t have time, or make time?
Um, well, yeah, make time. You know, I really need to call Aunt Jean and tell her we are moving. I haven’t talked to her for a while. I need to call her. Why can’t I find her phone number though? Oh, bother. Now I can’t tell Jean. She will wonder about me. I wonder how she is doing; now I won’t know.
Your father will. Call him.
I don’t want to. Why can’t I find Jean’s number? I can’t find any information on the assisted living home she is in to call her. I can’t find any of my notes.
–silence—
Lord, our quiet time is different here. I’m trying to get in the rhythm of finding the place where we sit and spend our time together. I’ve been missing the windows where I’d look up in the trees.
I’m here.
I know that Lord. It’s just the busyness of activity has subsided for a while. Now I’m thinking and feeling something unfinished. I’ve talked to both Mom’s brothers since we’ve moved, but I still can’t find Jean’s information.
You know who has is.
I know, but I have a migraine today, I can’t call him. My mind won’t be sharp.
Do you trust me?
Please don’t ask me that today.
–silence–
Lord, about that aching in my shoulder, you know, that one, it’s really bothering me today. It bothered me enough that when I woke up, I was reminded of the days in therapy after the surgery; and stretched my arm over my head and felt the tightness across my back, in my shoulder, down my arm. Yesterday a migraine, today aches. Is it the rain, or are you trying to get me attention? What’s on the agenda today?
You know what it is. You’ve known all along.
Sigh.
I know. I know Lord. I can be so stubborn. I keep finding reasons to put off being obedient to what you are asking me to do. Please, please forgive me. It is just that fear again. Fear to hear the rejection, again.
I understand.
Yes. Oh. Oh. That’s something that you hear all.the.time.
Yes.
Oh, oh, and you’ve been hearing it from me when I’ve not been obedient to what I know you’ve been asking me to do…….I’m so sorry Lord…. Please forgive me……Help me to be obedient. I will do what you are asking me regardless of the outcome, or how it may make me feel……I trust you.
I love you.
Okay, I will do it after I do….no, I will do it….now.! I will not put it off any longer. I trust you to give me the words to say.
Dial. Ring. An answering machine.
And so while smiling, I left a cheerful message. One saying that we had moved and where we were. Gave him my phone number and told him that his grandkids were well. Told him that I couldn’t find my information from when I visited his sister, and hoped all was well. I called him Dad when I said hello, and called him Dad when I said goodbye.
I was smiling to myself the whole time, because even when I knew I had doubted and didn’t trust Him with what now seemed such a little matter, I was forgiven, it was forgotten and I was loved. Being obedient has its blessings.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified, those he justified, he also glorified.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for the all – how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died – more than that, who was raised to life – is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheepto be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, nether the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:28-39
Update: I decided to look again in all the places that I thought I had put my Aunt’s contact information. I found it the first place I went to. There it was all along, and I wasn’t seeing it before now. Well, what do you know, what do you know.
Once I heard a pastor say “you should have a three minute testimony ready at all times”.
Yeah, that wasn’t about to happen. I couldn’t sum it up in three minutes. So, my testimony was only shared in bits and pieces. Some people know my whole story. Now you will too.
Some time as Christians, when we come out of our respective pits of darkness into Christ’s light we don’t want to talk about our past and present struggles. Being transparent encourages one another, and enables God’s glory to be seen to a hurting world. That is why when I read an article viewing the church as a hospital for the sick, not a place of healthy Christians; I thought to myself, that is such a good analogy. There are a lot of different areas that are addressed in a hospital. There are a lot of wings, and floors in the hospital. As a matter of fact I think I’ve visited the same floor more than once.
There is nothing worse than feeling like you are alone in a struggle, or an illness. It is when we share what we’ve been through or are dealing with that we can be an encouragement, a means to nurse those around us, while the Great Physician heals us. Let’s face it, I’ve been real sick, and I am still sick and need healing. But then aren’t we all? We are just on different floors at different times. Sometimes we are able to nurse those around us, sometimes we are in need of it. All of it is used for His glory.
God doesn’t waste anything, especially our pain. – Mary Southerland
Being a transparent Christian is the way to show how I once was lost, and now I’m found. I knew of the song Amazing Grace from listening to my Grandmother, now I know Amazing Grace. I knew of Jesus, but I didn’t know Jesus.
Knowing Jesus, makes all the difference.
Growing up I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness.
I don’t even like typing that.
Even when I called myself one I didn’t like saying it when I was around people who weren’t Jehovah’s Witnesses. It never felt right.
Now I know how twisted, inaccurate and mind-controlling the Watchtower organization is. It is a cult. Yes, they are a cult. They will deny that.
In a nutshell, this is what I was taught, and I do not believe much has changed: they believe they are saved by works, only 144,000 Jehovah Witnesses will go to Heaven, the rest of the Jehovah Witnesses will live on earth which will be restored to a paradise after Armageddon, and Jesus is like a God, but not God. They have their own Bible translation where words have been substituted by the Organization (but the regular JW doesn’t realize that). They believe anyone that is not a Jehovah’s Witness is worldly and will die at Armageddon (which when I was younger was supposed to happen in 1975.) If you were not baptized as a witness before that time you would be destroyed by Jehovah along with the rest of the worldly people. Jehovah Witnesses are to only associate with other Jehovah Witnesses or those becoming witnesses. There is limited contact with worldly people allowed for employment and schooling. Growing up, extracurricular activities and sports were to be avoided as it placed you in a position to be around worldly people. The Watchtower only allows studying the publications they print or recommend. No Holidays or birthdays are celebrated. Friends, community and personal time should only be spent with other Jehovah Witnesses or in studying, meeting, assembly time or door-to-door service. Witnesses should only date and marry other witnesses. Higher education was not an option when I was younger, and careers were unimportant. Basically, you were encouraged to become a full time “pioneer” (door-to-door) or find a job to just pay bills. Any leadership positions were discouraged. Jehovah’s Witnesses self-police themselves by ostracizing those that do not live up to the elder appointed standard set forth by the Watchtower organization. When teaching differences occur, (like when 1975 passed, and Armageddon did not happen,) the Watchtower organization indicated that as individuals the witnesses were responsible for their misinterpretation, not the Watchtower Society. Jehovah’s Witnesses are not to question the Watchtower Organization as that is questioning Jehovah. Any ‘problems’ are handled internally (within the local congregations) to maintain control and then broadcast to surrounding congregations as example, intimidation, or as a means of ostracizing.
I needed a hospital alright.
My thoughts of God were mostly driven by feelings of fear, and I most certainly did not know Jesus. I only knew of Him, and then not even an accurate picture.
But He knew me.
Even when I didn’t know myself or what or where I was going. His hand was on me.
There are several times in my teens and early 20’s that I can think back on when I know God has protected me. When I didn’t realize it, even when I was questioning Him, He was faithful, He was protecting me, leading me.
While I sat and listened to what was being taught by the JW’s on how to perform in such and such a way to gain God’s approval, and that only the JW’s had people that were worthy, He stirred in my heart questions and challenges. I wanted to have friends, and I didn’t see everyone I encountered at school as bad even while being bullied there. Lonely and confused, I spent more time with my maternal side of the family. I began to see what it looked like living outside of the JW bubble.
When I was in my late teens and dated an “approved JW” boy there was an unspoken pressure to settle down. I wasn’t interested. My soul was looking for something, but I didn’t know what.
I didn’t know where to look, I was blind.
While still in my late teens, one of the JW “worthy” men that I considered a fatherly figure made sexual advances toward me. I don’t know what he said to his wife, because then she accused me of trying to steal her husband. This was a couple that I spent a lot of time with and babysat for. When I abruptly stopped seeing them, my mother questioned me. I told her the wife accused me of trying to steal her husband, I was too naïve, ashamed and confused to say anything else. There was a big meeting with everyone. The man said he thought he had feelings for me, but nothing had happened, and he didn’t feel that way anymore. He never said anything about making the sexual advances to me in the first place, nor the fact that he had tried contacting me since then via phone. I sat and said nothing. I was dazed, confused, embarrassed and sad. My father seemed satisfied with the explanation, and wanted me to forgive them. I don’t know exactly what my mother thought, we didn’t discuss it. To her credit she tried to on occasion, I withdrew. The man continued to try to contact me via phone trying to seduce me, while simultaneously blaming me for his pursuit on account of how I looked and dressed. He told me I was no good, I was just trouble. I told him if he didn’t stop calling me I was going to tell someone. He stopped calling, unfortunately his words stuck. I tried burying them along this guilt I felt like I participated in his lie by not saying anything to anyone.
Thank you, Jesus for healing me from all of that, when I placed that at your feet, you have carried it for me ever since.
The JW rose colored glasses were off. I realized that there was no difference between the JW’s and the worldly people they were always warning me away from. They told me worldly people were evil, JW’s were good. I saw no difference. If that was a lie, what else was?
I ran. I’d like to say I ran towards Him. Instead I spent years of thinking of myself first. They were lonely times, even in the midst of drinking and partying. I couldn’t find what I was looking for, I had one life I was living and when I was home there was another I pretended to conform to. I lead a double-life. I made many poor and foolish choices. I figured if I was being accused of being no good, than I might as well not be.
I know now that God was protecting me on some country roads when I foolishly tried hitch hiking one winter morning at 3 am after running out of gas after an evening of partying. One car stopped way down the hill from where I was walking, started, and stopped. I didn’t run for it. I just kept walking. When I was just about home, a truck driver tried picking me up, offering a ride. I declined. He persisted, and became angry when I declined, roaring off precariously close to me. I don’t like to think about what unwise choice I might have made if he would have come by many miles earlier. Yes, God was protecting me that early morning.
I moved out into an apartment on my own where I made more choices. Some continued to be foolish, but I gradually made better choices. I didn’t think about God much though in the choices, and I certainly didn’t know Jesus.
I’m so thankful God isn’t dependent upon my feelings.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there, If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hid me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Psalm 139:7-12
In hindsight, I realize the people that He surrounded me with in my life that supported me emotionally when I needed it most. He protected me by placing people in my life, to lift me up and show me His love. They were Jesus with skin on. He was protecting me by drawing me to Him. My maternal Grandmother was the first to show me Jesus with skin on. I had close friends that were there when I needed them. He placed a man in my life that would love me, and stand by me when my family would deny me.
Even though I had long since stopped claiming to be a Jehovah’s Witnesses, they were still interested in what I was doing. Often times over the years, I would get unannounced visits or calls, or meetings to talk about my lifestyle choices, or at least what they thought I was doing. My Mom would track me down and call me at odd hours which would really tick me off. I thought my Dad would be easier to fool than my Mom, I wished she would go away, and leave me alone. (That thought would haunt me) I always felt like they wanted to catch me doing something so they could punish me.
I finally stopped playing the game.
After I moved in with what would be my future hubs, my future step-daughter and my future sister-in-law, my parents came to visit us trying to persuade me to return to the witnesses. They tried to explain to Craig that it had nothing to do with him, ‘he didn’t know better’, it was me. They could attend his wedding, but not if he was marrying me. If I didn’t come back to the JW’s I would be disfellowshipped. My mother said ‘if your father tells me I can’t come see you, then I have to obey, whether I like it or not.” They never came there again. It didn’t matter if I didn’t consider myself a JW or not, I was being treated like one, based on their standards.
Not long after, my mother who had been experiencing some health problems, had a large mass removed and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
I refused to meet with the appointed elders who were determining my fate according to the JW standards. They had called me, and I told them that I was not claiming to be a witness and they had no right sitting in judgment of me, they were just three men. They tried various pressure tactics, even one of them saying I was responsible for my mother’s illness. They told me I would be disfellowshipped, they were acting on Jehovah’s behalf.
With that came the ostracizing from any family or people that I knew that were Jehovah’s Witnesses. I was “permitted” to go to my family home, was not invited, but if showed up would not be turned away; however, they would not visit me. They would not call me unless it was an emergency, or deemed necessary. (it is still that way today)
I visited and tried to maintain contact with my mother as she battled her cancer, but they were strained and awkward visits at times. She gave up her struggle seven months after her diagnosis.
My father’s side of the family for the most part is Jehovah’s Witnesses, with the exception of an aunt and a few cousins. My mother’s side is not. My siblings, with their respective families are. Most of the people I grew up with and knew outside of my mother’s side of the family are also Jehovah’s Witnesses.
At her funeral and afterwards, with few exceptions, only my maternal side of the family talked to me. (Craig, thank you for being my strength that day)
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded every one in your book. Psalm 56:8 NLT
We were married three months later, and while my father and siblings chose not to attend, it was a beautiful wedding and we were blessed to be surrounded by friends and family, including my maternal family.
At home we were a family of three. Me, the hubs and my step-daughter. (I feel weird when I say that description. I don’t think of “step” when I see her.) Not quite two years later, our first son joined the family.
God is so patient with us. He is so patient with me.
I went from the life of “all about me” to “all about the kids, all about the family”. Anyone else have a problem with the 2nd commandment?
I was busy living life, but if you asked me about God, I was still harboring these bitter, angry feelings. I didn’t want to acknowledge or think about things I had done in the past because of the stone throwers. It had been so engrained in me growing up to associate the Witnesses with God that I had made them one and the same. I had to re-program my thinking.
I had to re-program all the things about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, grace, salvation, heaven, truth, the list could go on about what the Witnesses taught me that are inaccurate according to the Scriptures. I had to read the Scriptures for myself.
October, 1988 I cried out to God. I told Him I was tired of running. I was tired of carrying all that stuff inside. Told Him I knew I had made mistakes, told Him I was trying. Told him I didn’t understand a lot of things, asked him to help me. I prayed to God in Jesus’ name to help me. I prayed for forgiveness. I certainly didn’t follow any ‘script’, nor did I know of one, I just spoke from my heart. And I asked Him to show me He heard me by having me get pregnant. One year later, our second son was born.
I would like to tell you that re-programming went quickly. It didn’t. Over the years many people have been used to show me Christ’s love, and to understand the true meaning of what it is to have a relationship with Him, to understand the true meaning of grace. I didn’t grasp that right away.
My ‘nurses’ often didn’t realize they were helping me. I often didn’t either at the time. He has used people like my husband, my children, good friends, church, work and blogging communities. I get a glimpse of how He has used people in the past, like my Grandmother.
I understand the lines “I once was lost, but now I found, I once was blind, but now I see”.
I am surrendered to Jesus Christ. When on the cross, my sins held him there, yet he prayed for me. He thought of me. A gift, pure and simple. Nothing I could ever do would compare. It was freely given. He is the way, the truth and the life. Because of Him I see the Father.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 8, 9
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. Eph 2:8, 9
This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Rom. 3:22-24
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life, No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.” Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.” Jesus answered: “Don’t you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Don’t you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. John 14:6-11
In the hospital, the Great Physician heals me. He has me in his care. Each past wound surrendered, is dealt with lovingly, in prayer. In the hospital there are many wings and floors. All those illnesses, sickness, scars that need to be probed, examined, and removed are done under his care to draw me closer to Him. Being a transparent Christian, means saying this is me and what Jesus has freed me from.
He loved me enough, just as I was, to pursue me. He loves me enough to heal me, past, present and future just as I am.
In His hospital, He frees any pain: past, present and future. I am so thankful to be in His hospital. There is peace there.
My prayer is this post is used for His glory. I will look for you in the hospital. There are many rooms. Have you claimed yours?
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:4-7
I won’t go back, can’t go back, to the way I was before.
I like it when I read blogs or articles or hear something that has me thinking about their words for a while. Recently, I’ve read about letting things go, the power of prayer, fear, sharing our testimony, being transparent in the church community, and how the church should be viewed as a hospital for the sick, not a place of healthy Christians. We are all sick, and when we are transparent, share our struggles, pains both past and present, it is then that people can relate to each other and God’s glory is shown.
Just As I Am 