Tag: Christ

Ripples

~ Denise ~ 4 Comments

Ripple effect on water.
Ripple effect on water. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A few years ago at my Thursday ladies Bible study group, we were discussing making a difference in people’s lives.  We talked about how hard it is to know if that is happening or not.  We talked about one day in Heaven meeting those we’ve impacted by even just the smallest thing we might not even be aware of.  We talked about the ripples we can help create.  Someday we will see how He has used us, if we are willing to be used.

One of the girls recalled some words she had heard that resonated with me.  They were something along these lines:

You never know what you may say to someone that may be repeated to their children, or grandchildren which will ultimately lead to that person coming to know Christ.

It struck me.  The things we say and do can have generational impact.

I will pray that Jesus will use me; I pray that He will put the right words in my mouth.  However, I confess, I can get caught up in today’s society of instant gratification.   For the most part, I like to think I’m patient, but there are sometimes when I want to see the results of things without waiting.

When I think, or sense a ripple, I have been consciously making an effort to be thankful for being part of the ripple and letting it go.  It isn’t always easy.  My mind wants to hit replay and think what I could have said or done differently.    Notice how quick the mind wants to go back to the “I”?  Notice how whisper thoughts of pride can so easily turn into a sticky woven tangled web of self importance?

Sigh.

In the quiet moments, God speaks.  If a prayer of ‘help me Jesus’ is offered before any words are uttered, than I need not worry.   What is being said is what is needed at the time.  Seeds are being planted.  He will water them.  He will make them grow.

In the past four weeks, we have been blessed to have our granddaughter visit us.  We had conversations with her about the gospel, does she or can she know for sure if she is going to Heaven?  What does it mean about being saved by grace not by works.  From the first meal we ate together we prayed before we ate so she got into the habit of us doing that together, and when I flew home with her she reminded the family at dinner before we ate we needed to pray.  She had a friend over one evening who said:  “I never had anybody do that before, that was awesome.”

Right before I flew home, there were 10 of us (mostly adults) that went to a restaurant for lunch.  It was a noisy crowed restaurant and I hesitated suggesting a prayer before the meal, I was thinking they are adults, if they want to pray before they eat, they can silently pray to themselves.

Sigh.

Granddaughter said to those who received their food first and were starting to pick at it, “you can’t eat yet, we haven’t prayed”.

Out of the mouths of children.

So we held hands, and humbled, I prayed our thanks.

I also prayed a silent repentant & thankful prayer.

How quick I forget, how thankful I am to be forgiven, and how thankful I am Jesus is always drawing me closer to Him.

 How thankful I am to see the ripple effect.

On me.

The call back

~ Denise ~ 11 Comments

I was wondering if he would call me back.

And he did.

This morning, I talked to my Dad after well, I don’t remember how many years.

He was hesitant, slightly awkward sounding, but yet anxious to talk.  He proceeded to tell me he had been busy the day before going door to door, giving a talk (Jehovah’s Witness language for preaching) in the evening, and had missed seeing my call until later at night.

We talked about my message that we had moved.

Mid discussion, I prayed for the right words.  I prayed for what I needed.

Compassion is what Jesus gave me.  Compassion, and the confidence to speak boldly in love.

I heard sadness when he told me that he still loves me and thinks of me, and that it’s just a shame.

I could sense a tired man in his 80’s.  I could hear the sadness, but also a holding on to a life of what he believes.

As gently and lovingly as I could I told him I loved him too, but that he needed to understand that any of my past sins have been forgiven and forgotten by Jesus and they are gone and in the past, and it was too bad he didn’t feel that way too.

He mentioned something about yes, God sits in judgment of us, and that he does say he will forgive us.

I told him Christ forgave me years ago, and I was secure in that belief.  I was good about it.  I wish he felt that way too.  God sits in judgment, not men, or more importantly religious organizations.  That was something he would had to come to grips with.

He started talking about other things.  Pleasantries, like the weather, and how his sister, my aunt was doing.

When he said he thought of me over the years, I told him that I thought of him too, and while I may have wanted to call him or talk to him before I didn’t.  I didn’t because I felt like I was honoring his statements of no contact.  But that part of me wanted to just call anyway because I don’t agree with his position.  So I felt like I was honoring his wishes but I did not agree with it.  This also was something he had to come to grips with.

It was like our roles were reversed, where at one time I would have been quiet and listened while he talked; now I was bold.

A few more pleasantries, and then the conversation ended.

I’m not looking back on what else I could have or might have said.

What will become of this?  I don’t know.

But I know who does.

Lord,

Thank you for giving me a glimpse of seeing through your eyes.

Forgive me when I look just through mine at those around me……..including my Dad.

This is in your hands.

I trust you.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Marinating in Encouragement

~ Denise ~ 6 Comments

I like it when I read blogs or articles or hear something that has me thinking about their words for a while.  Recently, I’ve read about letting things go, the power of prayer, fear, sharing our testimony, being transparent in the church community, and how the church should be viewed as a hospital for the sick, not a place of healthy Christians.  We are all sick, and when we are transparent, share our struggles, pains both past and present, it is then that people can relate to each other and God’s glory is shown.

A few I’ve read:

On praying –  Mustard Seed Budget

So why do we pray? – Mustard Seed Budget

On Worry – The River Walk

Testimony Time – The River Walk

Letting Go – Life on Courtney Lane

I’ve been marinating on their encouraging words, and words that followed.

There must be some reason the Holy Spirit wanted me to visit this.

My fingers typed out what swirled around in my brain.

Then I let that marinate.

Daily post prompts seem to prod further.

I’ve been trimming excess fat.

It’s time though, I’ll put in on the grill tomorrow, if you’re interested.

Hear me now, I am redeemed!

~ Denise ~ 5 Comments

This sorting and packing has me finding a lot of different things.  Squirreled away were some notes from my sister about why she and the rest of the family wouldn’t be attending our wedding, my journal from the months my Mom struggled with cancer, her funeral, all the feelings I was having around the time my family began their shunning of me.    My choice was to challenge and question what I had been taught for years and make my own choices, not what I was told to do.   I used to rehearse what I would say if I ran into my Dad when I went to a family funeral, or if I was visiting a relative on my Mother’s side.  That hasn’t happened.  One day while traveling to see my Dad’s sister in a nursing home, I remember telling Craig, I’m not going to worry about what I would say if I see him, if it happens, it does, and the Holy Spirit will help me to say what I need to say.  That was freeing.

Lately, God has reminded me this truth:  You are redeemed.  I saw a post on Facebook,  I am redeemed.  My soul cried out yes!  I’ve been hearing Big Daddy Weave’s, Redeemed, and my soul cries yes, thank you Lord!

And so, from out of that soulful feeling when I found the notes and my journal came this:

Dad,

This is the conversation we don’t have.  It would be the elephant in the room, if we were ever in the same room.  That I don’t foresee happening, because you stubbornly hold what you feel you are doing is right.  And I will not do what you want me to do.

It shouldn’t surprise you then that I got my share of stubbornness from both you and Mom.  Maybe in some corner of you there is sense of connection you feel about that.  I wouldn’t know.  We don’t talk.  We haven’t talked for a very long time.  On the rare occasion you have called me, you announce  “it’s your Dad”, like I wouldn’t recognize your voice.   I do.  The fact that you feel you have to do that just emphasizes the distance in our relationship.   I think the last time I heard your voice is what like, 6 years ago, on the answering machine?  I think the last time I actually saw you was at Grandmom’s funeral in 1995.

Why?  Because you hold your denomination rules and regulations over a parental relationship.

Hear me now,

I am redeemed.

Religion says fix yourself, change yourself, do this, do that and then you can be accepted.  You don’t live up to the standard; you can’t live up to the standard.  You aren’t worthy.  For years I bought into that lie.

Then I met Christ.  The gospel, the good news is Jesus loves me right where I am, and loves me enough to draw me closer to Him.  Jesus is the one who will change me; I don’t have to do it alone, I just had to ask Him.

Here me now,

I am redeemed.

Now, about that elephant.

Do you know how deeply you hurt me when you denied me as your daughter at Mom’s casket?  Seemed like you did it so casually.   It will be 29 years ago in July, but I still remember it.  It was completely acceptable to you have people ignore and “shun” me during that time, including yourself.  When I tried to talk you about it, your response was “I brought it on myself, I knew better”.

Abandoned was how I felt.  That isn’t the first time I’ve felt that way by you, and it wouldn’t be the last.

I felt like I lost both my parents.  But then, that was the goal.  That is the purpose of the shunning thing.  Cut off ties.    Say things like I won’t turn you away if you show up, however I’m not inviting you to the house.    Tell them you won’t visit them, and don’t.  Get re-married, but don’t invite.  Don’t call unless you think you “have to”, and leave the conversation on the note you’d like to talk more often, but it’s because of my actions you don’t.  Tell Craig you would go to his wedding if he married someone other than me, but you couldn’t go to ours, and didn’t.  I did think you might be more interested in your grandchildren.  I was wrong.

The whole purpose of shunning is to make the person shunned miserable, guilty and lonely so that they run back to the witnesses.  That is what you wanted, me to confess my sins to the witnesses and go back to being a witness, again.  It didn’t seem to matter what changes I made in my life.  They didn’t live up to the organization standards.  Wouldn’t that mean you’ve made the watchtower organization an idol over God’s Word?   It isn’t up to them to decide if I’m forgiven or not for my sins.

Understand, I’m not blaming you for any poor choices I’ve made in my life.  I’m responsible for them, just like you are responsible for yours.   There were years I was angry with you.   Bitter, sad, then resigned to your treatment.  Now those feelings have been replaced, with thankfulness.

Thing is, when you along with my siblings decided to cut me off from your life, along with most of your family, I didn’t run back.

I ran forward.

And I am thankful.

Thankful that I ran forward to the One who said I love you just the way you are, who would never forsake or abandon me.   The One who loved me when I didn’t love myself.  Who loved me enough not to leave me the way I was but to draw me to closer to Him.

The One who knew my name while embedded on the Cross.   He unconditionally loved me and bore my sins before I even came to be.

I choose Jesus.

Because of Him, I am redeemed.

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.  There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  Rom. 3:22-24

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives.  1 John 1:8

My prayers over the years have been that your hearts turn.   Turn toward a heart of understanding the truth.   Run forward, Dad.  Leave the ghosts behind.  Be free.  He’s waiting for you at the foot of the Cross.

I’m not going back.

Here me now,

I am redeemed.  Thank God, redeemed.

What a treasure!

~ Denise ~ 9 Comments

I usually spend the drive to work in quiet.

Sometimes in prayer.  Sometimes just thinking about the day ahead.

Once in a while I will turn on the radio, but not often.

I like the quiet in the morning.

This morning I was driving along, and my soul sang silently just these words:

Gloria in excelsis Deo
Gloria in excelsis Deo

My finger reached forward and touched the radio button.

The car was filled with the sounds of the exact chorus  at the exact time that it was playing in my head!

I just love it when God does that!  I just had to take a minute and share that with you.

How about that for a Tuesday Treasure!

Gloria in excelsis Deo

Gloria in excelsis Deo

Knock, Knock, Knocking at the door

~ Denise ~ 5 Comments

Had two visitors come “a knocking” going “door to door” a month ago.  I knew right away what denomination they represented.  I could have guessed what they were going to say even before they opened their mouths.

I knew they were Jehovah’s Witnesses, when I saw the groups of two, by their appearance, their demeanor, the ever present briefcase, and it was confirmed when the Watchtower came up out of the briefcase when I answered the door and said hello.

( I remember well the training, when the person answers the door, keep talking. )

Usually if JW’s come to the door, I don’t get in a discussion, I know from previous experience, they have an answer for everything….it may not be right…but they have an answer, and they are going to argue it.

That day I thought I’d try a different approach.  I thought I’d talk to them a while and then tell them I was a disfellowshiped Jehovah’s Witness who was confident in my redeeming relationship with Jesus and see what they would do.

It went sort of like this.

Older Man:  “We are stopping at people’s homes in your neighborhood talking about the state of the world (gets out the latest issue of the Watchtower, and points out the topic).  Who do you think is in control of the world?”

Me:  (who has been silently praying and at this moment is wondering should I freak him out and say Jehovah)  “God”

Older Man:  “Why yes, that is correct.”

Younger Man:  (shaking his head and agreeing) “Correct”

(I was half-smiling to myself.  I well remember the “we know more than you” attitude and posture from door-to-door days.  Some are not even aware of it, others quite so, it is something that comes with the teaching engrained that ‘they are the only ones that are correct’)

Older Man:  (Gets out his New World Translation) “I’d like to read a scripture.”

(Now here I was thinking I’d like to run and get my Bible, but here is where Cody decides to try to sneak out between my legs, so I grab him and push him back in the door.)

He quickly flipped from one scripture to another, and I was listening closely to see if he read one that was changed.  He ended up with the scripture about going and making disciples.  Matthew 28:19

I said “yes, the Great Commission.”  I thought the younger man’s head would pop off, it jerked up so fast.  The older man said, “why yes.”

Then I said, you’ll notice that scripture says “be my witness, not “to witness”.  We are called to be a witness by how we live and how we talk and how we treat our neighbors, not  just going door to door.  The younger one kind of smiled and said your are right we are called to be a witness by how we live.

Then the older one started to talk about how a recent poll showed that theirs was the largest growing religion, not Baptist like most believe.  I believe I said “you mean denomination, not religion” and I asked “where are you getting your facts from, as I doubt that”.  He hesitated and then started to mention some southern source.

By then, I thought this really isn’t getting anywhere.  I could tell the “spin was on” with the older gentlemen.  So I figured now was the time to see what he would say if I said that I was a disfellowedship JW.

So I told them.

I told them I was raised as a JW, and that demoniation was not for me.  I was a disfellowshiped JW.

I told them, “Look, I don’t have a problem talking with you, but I know you probably have a problem talking with me.   I’ve read the Bible from cover to cover, and I know we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God.  I know that my sins once confessed have been forgiven and that Christ died for me and I have a personal relationship with Him.  I know what the Bible says about judging.”

The younger guy said I appreciate you telling us.  The older guy just wanted to know if my parents lived around here.  I told him my mother wasn’t living, and my father did not live in the state.

(Who knows, maybe they have to keep track now if they run into one of “us”.)

Then he said, “well if you want to come back let me know”.

(It was later that I realized, he didn’t tell me who “he” was, guess he was thinking he wouldn’t be running into me again.)

I told them “That wouldn’t be happening.  I have a personal relationship with Jesus, and I know Jehovah.”  Then I added, “Because you know Jehovah, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are one you know.  (they are not taught that) It’s in the Bible, and the Bible tells you the truth if you read it from cover to cover not just your magazines and books.”  (I looked right at the younger guy when I said that.  For some reason I felt like he was the one that needed to hear that.)

I should add the older man packed up pretty quick after that.

Afterwards I thought of more that I could have said.

Isn’t that they way it always goes.

But then I figure I am only asked to plant a seed.  So I planted a seed, what kind of soil it falls on and what happens next isn’t up to me.

One person plants a seed, another adds some water, another some more, and so on.  If the soil is fertile God will make it grow.

When it comes to JW’s you need to plant a seed of questioning what they have been told.  A seed to read the Bible to search for themselves.  A seed to search for the truth.

I pray I plant seeds in fertile soil.