Category: Lessons I’m Learning

The Promised Land

~ Denise ~ 2 Comments

Today I was lowered into a tub of water.   Renewed, refreshed, and washed cleaned.

I was 15 the first time I was baptized, young, giving my life to God as I understood him; however I was also a Jehovah’s Witness.  Being baptized as a JW means you are baptized into that cult.  At the time I didn’t fully understand the ramifications.

As I questioned the hypocrisy and the teachings of the JW’s, I moved out and disassociated myself from them in my early 20’s, however, they still considered me a JW.  The witnesses, or my parents, looked for a reason to take action against me I guess, sort of an “example”.  Often one of my parents would try to call or stop by my apartment to try to “catch me” in some sort of sin.  By the year 1984, I found myself dealing with a roller coaster of emotions.  In the Spring, the JW’s disfellowshipped/shunned me after a prompting by my father stating I was not living a Christian life to their standards.   During the early part of July, we buried my mother after a cancer battle, and my father denied my presence at the casket when JW’s approached.    Later, in October, I was married, and my father boycotted attending our wedding and my siblings felt pressured to follow his example.

I felt betrayed, abandoned, unworthy and unloved by my father and siblings.   Mainly by my father.

It took me quite a few stubborn, bitter years to acknowledge my part in any of my sins for how the JW’s have treated me.

“If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us”.  1 John 1:8

It wasn’t until Oct, 1988 that I was able to reconcile my life to God, and started my spiritual awakening and understanding of Jesus Christ.

Understanding Jesus and what He has done for me was like a refreshing drink of water to a thirsty soul.

Grace a gift, freely given.

Sins, once confessed, are then forgotten.

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us”  Psalm 103:12

People, were the ones that were continually judging and condemning me, not God.  Not only could I forgive my family, I could forgive myself.  Looking back, I can see how he has used some of those desert wandering years.  One day I will understand all the pieces.

I re-affirmed my baptism in the Lutheran Church, however, I would still think about it once in a while.   The whole JW thing would still haunt me at times.   I’d talk to different pastors about it.  I was told re-baptism wasn’t necessary and/or they’d forget about it.  So, I’d stop thinking about it, for awhile.

I didn’t want to negate that I originally gave my life to YAHWEH and Jesus that I knew and loved at that time, just negate the cult.  I’d wonder:  how confusing would it be to see me doing it again, and I’d think I would have to explain my story.  For years I didn’t want to talk about my experiences with the JW’s.  See, I was in control of my story.  Who I told, and who I didn’t.

However, it started coming to my mind again.  Recently during my small group, it came up.  Actually, I brought it up, and the girls said to me, usually if God wants you to do something he will keep bringing something to your mind.   I was reminded that my understanding was a more mature understanding, not the youthful understanding I had.  I most definitely had spiritually grown.

So I deliberately prayed about it.

“Okay Lord, if this is something you want me to do, nag me about it.  Hound me about this.  I mean ALL the time, so much that I HAVE to come to a decision of either doing it or accepting I’m okay with where I am.  Resolve this for me.  I don’t want to not do this because of pride, what will people think, I want to be obedient to you, so hound me Lord.  Oh, and if it’s not too much trouble; on Sunday, let there be a message about baptism to confirm it.”

That Sunday there was a message about upcoming baptisms and Jeff talked about Jehovah’s Witnesses in his sermon.  Does God have a sense of humor or what?

These last few weeks we’ve been studying about Exodus on Sunday mornings.  The last few years I’ve been studying, reading and re-reading the Old Testament.

I don’t think this is a coincidence.  This is a God-incidence.  This is a God’s thumb print puzzle piece.

Over and over again YAHWEH asks his people – do you trust me?

Over and over again He’s asked me – do you trust me?

Time and time again he’s told His people:

Yes, you’ve seen struggle in finances, health, jobs and relationships.  My power is made perfect in weaknesses.  I am in control.

You try to control things and it never works out the way you ‘think it should’.  Dear one, I’m glad you want to help, but give in.  I am in control.

You’ve had people hurt you and others you love with sinful and unloving behavior.  I love them as much as I love you.  I am in control.

You’ve been betrayed and abandoned by people who you’ve trusted.  I was, I am, I will be.  I AM NOT LEAVING YOU.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16

My JW life has been dead and gone, and now it has been washed clean from me.  My life and story is His to control as He sees fit.

I see the Promised Land.  I want to cross over.

Ezekiel 34

~ Denise ~ 1 Comment

Ezekiel 34

The LORD Will Be Israel’s Shepherd

1 The word of the LORD came to me: 2 “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? 3 You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. 4 You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. 5 So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. 6My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them.

7 “‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: 8 As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, 9 therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: 10 This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them.

11 “‘For this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. 12 As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. 13 I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. 14 I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. 15 I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign LORD. 16 I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.

17 “‘As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats. 18 Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? 19 Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet?

20 “‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says to them: See, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. 21 Because you shove with flank and shoulder, butting all the weak sheep with your horns until you have driven them away, 22 I will save my flock, and they will no longer be plundered. I will judge between one sheep and another. 23 I will place over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he will tend them; he will tend them and be their shepherd. 24 I the LORD will be their God, and my servant David will be prince among them. I the LORD have spoken.

25 “‘I will make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of savage beasts so that they may live in the wilderness and sleep in the forests in safety. 26 I will make them and the places surrounding my hill a blessing. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. 27 The trees will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the LORD, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them. 28 They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid. 29 I will provide for them a land renowned for its crops, and they will no longer be victims of famine in the land or bear the scorn of the nations. 30 Then they will know that I, the LORD their God, am with them and that they, the Israelites, are my people, declares the Sovereign LORD. 31 You are my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign LORD.”

I know I have been very quiet on here as of lately.  That is because I wasn’t sure exactly what to say or how to start.  So, I thought I’d just start today, with some of the verses that I have been reading for the last few months.

The Lord has been talking to me about trust.  Trusting in Him.  He has reminded me of how He has been faithful to me in the past, how I can depend on Him.  He has pushed me to confront unloving behavior.  During my quiet time we have compared notes on how I have handled past hurts with recent ones.  I praise Him for the refining work he has done in me over my life, and the grace He extends and continues to do.

This is what I have been remembering:

F orsaking

A ll

I

T rust

H im

The Lord will always take care of His sheep.  We I just need to trust Him.

What does love mean to me?

~ Denise ~ 2 Comments

The Daily Post sent this topic suggestion on August 5 which I knew I wanted to blog about as soon as I saw it.

Unfortunately, that thought became a quick note on a scrap of paper which then had to be found, deciphered, memory jogged, thoughts organized…well you get the drift…..

I have been reading a book entitled  Sandpaper People by Mary Southerland and been thinking and pondering on this verse for over a month now:

Isaiah 43:4

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.”

They are powerful love words.  Think about God saying that to you:

You are precious.  Your are valued and honored to me.  I love you.  I care for you so much that I would give up other people for you, that’s how much I love you.

Makes you feel good inside to feel loved.  When we love others it can be easy to feel and show love.  We are asked to “love our neighbor as ourselves”.  Ah, now sometimes that can be a little harder.  Particularly when your feelings are hurt.

Part of loving people is accepting them “just as they are”.   I know I want to be loved “just as I am”.

Back to the verse:

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.”

Love to me means taking the “you” and replacing it with the name of “someone else”.

Sometimes that can be easy.   Sometimes that is can be soooo hard.

Think about it.

Stop right now and re-read that verse below and put in the name of the person that you might be angry mildly annoyed with, put in the image of the person today who irritated you while you were driving, put in the face of the rude sales person, or remember it applies to you and me when, quite frankly we have been a pain in the butt.

Replace that “blank line” with the name of someone I love, I like, I enjoy, someone I’m feeling good about – easy.  Replace that “blank line” with the name of someone who has hurt me, or someone I encounter during the day that I find abrasive, or as Mary calls “sandpaper” – that makes it a little harder.

And, being honest here, sometimes the ones I love, like and enjoy I have to consciously make a choice to put their name there when they’ve hurt my feelings.

Since _________ are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love ________, I will give men in exchange for ___________, and people in exchange for ___________ life.

So, how did you do?

It isn’t always easy is it?

I have to remind myself that I am always screwing up.  I’m always making mistakes.  That is our human nature.  So usually, when it can be hard for me to put someone’s name in that blank line, I’m usually reminded of my shortcomings.  My mental conversation usually ends up with the “duh” moment for me of “oh, okay I’m like that too in such and such” (confession), seeking His forgiveness, and then giving forgiveness.  And, having total disclosure here, sometimes that takes me awhile, depending on the size of my hurt.  Sometimes my past hurts come back to haunt me and I have to go through the process all over again.  Sigh.

Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it is a choice.  A choice between God and us.

God’s greatest gift and our deepest need is forgiveness.

We usually stop forgiving when we run out of patience, however, there should be no limits to our forgiveness, because there are no limits to the forgiveness of God.  We can stop forgiving when we run out of His forgiveness.

“God made you alive in Christ.  He forgave all our sins.  He canceled the record that contained the charges against us.  He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ’s cross”

Colossians 2:13-14

Love.  Forgiveness given freely as a gift on the cross.  A choice.

Love.

And, in God’s great sense of humor, during the whole lengthy time it took for me to post, leave it sit in blog draft mode for edit, He reminded me that I neglect to read that verse and put my own name there sometimes.  I mean I read the word “you” and don’t even think about me sometimes.  Talk about a “duh”.

At my Women’s Group we have visualized the conversations and humorous expressions that Jesus may have with us over some of the “duh” moments one day.  Of course they are all delivered in a loving way.

Keep reminding me Lord.

Yeah, that’s what loves means to me.  🙂

Gracie & Big Kitty a.k.a. Captain Greybeard Lesson

~ Denise ~ 4 Comments

I was over at Rebecca & Keith’s house the other day watching Bella while they did a little blueberry picking.

The family has acquired three kittens (Boots, Scar Face & Chip), and this was the first time I saw them.  We were talking about the kittens, and then Keith warned me not to be surprised if the big grey cat jumped up outside at the window.

Now, I remembered “Big Kitty“.

I first got a good look at Big Kitty (or who I have since learned is called Captain Greybeard) one day before Keith & Rebecca went on their trip out west.

Now, I had been hearing about Big Kitty (sorry Captain, I like Big Kitty better) being this feral cat that was living out back, hid on the other side of the chain link fence and wouldn’t let anyone near it.

Gracie wanted to be it’s friend.

Well, on that particular day, I actually got a good look at Big Kitty.  Gracie was at the fence petting him!  So needless to say, after all that I had been hearing about the cat I was surprised!

Rebecca told me that Gracie was the only one that the cat would let near it.  I watched Gracie run over to the fence, call the cat, the cat would come over, let her pet him through the fence, she would run off again and he would either sit there and watch her, or disappear into the bushes.

Now, I will say I saw Remy wander over once or twice, but being a typical boy, he didn’t approach the fence in quite a “gentle manner” (let’s just say a foot was involved), and Big Kitty didn’t stay around when he approached.

While the family was away for a few weeks, they found upon their return, Big Kitty waiting for them on the front porch, and I believe he has decided to adopt the family as his.  He is quite comfortable coming in and out of their house.

So imagine my surprise when Big Kitty who a few weeks ago, who wouldn’t even approach people, came in the house, rubbed against each of the children present and then what really surprised me walked over and rubbed up against my leg and proceeded to let me pet him!

He then proceeded to lay down on the floor and play a little bit and groom himself.  A cat quite at home.

While Bella was napping,  and kittens were napping and playing, I watched Big Kitty laying on the floor and thought about the first time I saw him.

I thought back to that picture in my mind of Gracie’s little fingers reaching through the chain link fence.

Reaching out.  Showing love.

She just kept trying with Big Kitty to win his heart…to win his trust.

Big Kitty was trying to do it on his own.  He didn’t trust her.  He didn’t trust her love.

The Holy Spirit spoke to me and asked….isn’t that really how we are with God?

We try to do it on our own all the time.  We don’t trust Him.  We don’t trust His love.

But look what happens when we trust.  Look how our lives change.  Look how our family gets bigger!  Look how our life gets better!

Accepting that love, receiving that love, doesn’t mean we won’t have trouble.  It doesn’t mean we won’t screw up.  But we can be assured of God’s love.

I suspect Big Kitty will, (if he has not already) make a mess or two in the house.  He’ll screw up.  I also suspect others in the house will get a little upset with him at times.

But, I suspect just like God’s love is always there for us,  Gracie will still love him.

His Last Will and Testament

~ Denise ~ 1 Comment

I was struck and reminded again this morning of the depth of Christ’s love for us.

What did Jesus do before he was betrayed?

Prayed.

He prayed for himself, for the glory of Father and Son.  He prayed for His disciples.

He prayed for you and me.

John 17:20-26

“My prayer is not for them alone.  I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you.  May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.  I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one.  I in them and you in me.  May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.

Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.

Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you and they know that you have sent me.  I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them.”

Jesus was confident the disciples would spread the gospel and he prayed for those who would believe as a result.

When you weren’t physically there, or lived during a particular time period, it can be easy at times to emotionally distance oneself.  I know it has been easy for me to do that.  I need to be continually reminded.

I was picturing Jesus praying in Gethsemane.

I see a picture of Jesus in the midst of severe emotional and physical strain.  Exhausted.

“An angel appears and ministers to him.  And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”  Luke 22:43-44

Luke, being the doctor notes this.  My study Bible notes it was probably perspiration in large drops like blood, or it possibly was hematidrosis, the actual mingling of blood in sweat as in cases of extreme anguish, strain or sensitivity.  Only Luke the doctor records this.

I haven’t been in this extreme anguish.  However, I thought about times of when I have been emotionally drained and exhausted.  Have you ever been emotionally drained?  Emotionally and physically exhausted?  Reached the point where you really can’t think straight?  Where it’s hard to put words to thoughts?

You’re just spent.  I’ve been there.  I can’t really say I’m thinking about anyone else but myself at that point.

And there is the difference between us and God.  When we are at that point we have a choice.  We can call out to Him.  It is our choice.  He wants us to.

But what did He do?

What did Jesus do when He was at that point of emotional exhaustion?

He was praying for US.  Praying for you and me, knowing full well of all the screwed up things we’d do, the mistakes we made, the mistakes we WILL make.  Praying for us as we realize that we can’t do it on our own and trust Him.  Praying for us before we even humbled ourselves to admit that.  Praying for us as we keep struggling with control of our lives.  (Was that one of those most strenuous prayers for me?  I have the tendency to lay things at His feet,  to pick them back up, give them back, pick them up again.  Sigh.)

“Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance:  Christ Jesus came into this world to save sinners – of whom I am the worst.  But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.  Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever.   Amen.”  1 Tim. 1:15-17

He loves you that much.  He loves me that much.

In the midst of His severe and emotional prayer He was thinking of US.

Jesus’ last will and testament included prayer words for us.

John 17:24

“…I pray also for those who will believe in me…”

Thank you Jesus for loving me before I even came to be.

Baby Steps..Next Stage..Toddlers!

~ Denise ~ 2 Comments

Well…….one thing is for sure.

I keep realizing how much I don’t know about this whole blogging thing.

Being part of the experiment in blogging motivation on The Daily Post some of the blogs highlighted in Freshly Pressed catch my eye either by comments, titles or posts.  After reading this particular post last month on comment etiquette, I have been trying to comment on the posts that I have been reading that strike a chord with me.

Well, it wasn’t until today, (after receiving a comment from Miss Whiplash and thank you) I realized, that I was indeed still a “blogging baby”.  Apparently when I started my original blog, subsequently changed the blog name to this one as my “primary blog”, my user profile was linked to the original blog site, which sadly said….

wait for it…

Nothing…nada…zip-o

Soooo, no wonder, my site traffic and comments may have been low at times.

It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with my witty banter or storytelling.  Haha

Now, I’m thankful that while I may not have accomplished a Post A Day or even every week, my blogging has increased, my confidence in expressing myself has increased, and my knowledge for this whole blogging process is increasing.

Even though I’m apparently in the “baby stage” I’m looking forward to where the “toddler stage” takes me!

So for now, I’ve added a “sticky” to the original blog page saying what I did (I didn’t even know the term “sticky” in the blog world two months ago) until I can figure out if there is a better way to correct this.  Maybe I’ll just start a whole another blog topic.  Who knows?

Oh, the things you learn when you’re an infant….

in your (ahem) 50’s.  🙂