Author: Denise
Sensitive. Ha! Well, that can have its up and downs depending on what one is doing now can't it?!
Seriously, though, I enjoy painting in watercolors, my family, and my rescue tabbies. In all I do, I try to point myself back to what matters most, the love and saving redemption of Jesus.
If you like, you can visit my blog page for my watercolors, or my blog ramblings. :)
Second Nature
I have this habit that I didn’t realize I had. Craig pointed it out a while back. Then I started noticing it.
It is I guess a sort of self-soothing, thinking, unaware thing I do when I’m lost in thought, anxious, bored, reminiscing or what not.
Usually it involves just my left hand, but I have been known to do it with both hands.
What is it?
I rub my thumb between my second and third fingers in a back and forth motion, generally across my nail, in an absent mind sort of way.
Once this was pointed out to me, I tried to pay attention to when I did it or the occasions I did it. It seems to be something I do when I am deep in thought and definitely a tactile means of self-soothing.
I wondered for a bit why I did this. I wondered was this something I learned by observation. All the while, rubbing my fingers.
I had this nagging feeling that I had seen the behavior somewhere. A sort of comfort behavior.
Then I remembered this picture.
I love this picture.
This person I loved with all my heart.
When I rub my fingers now, I also remember my Grandmother.
I’m connected to her again. I remember her love.
Sigh.
Rub. Rub. Rub.
It’s self-soothing when you miss someone.
I am now on a mission to discover how many family members inherited this trait or learned this behavior.
So far I’ve found two more. 🙂
Iowa Additions
While we were in Iowa these two joined the party.
These cute adopted brother and sister made the cold days fly by and the warm days happy!
We went looking for one, but couldn’t split the siblings. They behave just like children. One moment carrying on, the next all sweet as can be.
Don’t be fooled. They each take a turn at instigating shenanigans.
Well, hey there!
If you recall from my last entries (if you can even remember them, ha!) we moved from the warm climate of the South to the cold Winters of Iowa.
The area we lived in had around 3,000-5,000 people during the Winter months and could swell to 50,000 in the Summer.
It was nice, but limited on shopping, etc.
The nearest Target was 90 miles away.
I need not say more for those who know me.
We are, on the move, again.
Details and stories to follow.
No, seriously.
I mean it. 🙂
Ps. 46:10
Be still and know that I am God. Ps. 46:10
Off the grid.
That’s what I was for over a month while we moved into our new home and waited until the cable company had the equipment they needed to hook up whatever they needed to make the box sitting in our front yard “work”.
I was beginning to get a little antsy. (I can hear Craig saying “beginning?”)
I’d like to say I filled those quiet times with extra study times and additional prayer.
My intentions were good.
However, my actions didn’t always follow through.
Sigh.
Instead, I’d often have bursts of either frantic box-emptying until my feet or body would wear out, or organization ideas to decide where to put stuff, or thought about what might have to go (we need to down-size some more). Then of course there are the occasional items that need to be purchased. I know, seriously, get rid of, and then obtain. Trust me I know it sounds ridiculous, but some things you have to purchase.
During the TV free, internet free, and until I unpacked a radio, radio-free time, I thought about the Amish expression of how they live a simple life because it brings them closer to God.
Now I was born and raised in surrounding Amish country, and both our boys have often teased me and told me I was raised Amish even though I was not. I have lived around Amish, there was even an Amish lady who used to come and care for us now and then when I was younger and even went on the occasional family trip. I must have told a tale or two about her when they were growing up. Boys like to tease their mothers when they can.
I’m digressing.
Being in farm country again, had me thinking about the farms I saw growing up and the Amish. They may have lived in simpler homes, but they were always busy. Sometimes simple can mean more work depending on what it is. They were never idle. I don’t recall them being still.
I don’t think it matters who you are or where you are from, we all struggle with being still. Even people who we think live simple lives find things to do to occupy their time and their minds to keep themselves busy and find themselves away from God at sometime or another.
There is always a chore, always something to cook, always a child to care for, something to plant, something to harvest, something to think about, etc. etc. We slip so easily into thinking we have to do this “one” thing before we can be still. The next thing we know we have done another, and another and another. I can easily slip into this pattern. Trying to keep the pendulum balanced.
Being still, that for me is a purposeful action on my part. I guess that is an oxymoron. I mean that I deliberately have to choose to be still. To quiet my actions, and that includes that hamster wheel of thoughts in my head.
Being still.
How better to get to know Him.
When I am still, I find that He has been patiently waiting all along.
When I am still, I find out how much I have missed Him.
When I am still, I find out how quickly I feel His love.
When I am still.
Lord, help me be still.
Ripples
A few years ago at my Thursday ladies Bible study group, we were discussing making a difference in people’s lives. We talked about how hard it is to know if that is happening or not. We talked about one day in Heaven meeting those we’ve impacted by even just the smallest thing we might not even be aware of. We talked about the ripples we can help create. Someday we will see how He has used us, if we are willing to be used.
One of the girls recalled some words she had heard that resonated with me. They were something along these lines:
You never know what you may say to someone that may be repeated to their children, or grandchildren which will ultimately lead to that person coming to know Christ.
It struck me. The things we say and do can have generational impact.
I will pray that Jesus will use me; I pray that He will put the right words in my mouth. However, I confess, I can get caught up in today’s society of instant gratification. For the most part, I like to think I’m patient, but there are sometimes when I want to see the results of things without waiting.
When I think, or sense a ripple, I have been consciously making an effort to be thankful for being part of the ripple and letting it go. It isn’t always easy. My mind wants to hit replay and think what I could have said or done differently. Notice how quick the mind wants to go back to the “I”? Notice how whisper thoughts of pride can so easily turn into a sticky woven tangled web of self importance?
Sigh.
In the quiet moments, God speaks. If a prayer of ‘help me Jesus’ is offered before any words are uttered, than I need not worry. What is being said is what is needed at the time. Seeds are being planted. He will water them. He will make them grow.
In the past four weeks, we have been blessed to have our granddaughter visit us. We had conversations with her about the gospel, does she or can she know for sure if she is going to Heaven? What does it mean about being saved by grace not by works. From the first meal we ate together we prayed before we ate so she got into the habit of us doing that together, and when I flew home with her she reminded the family at dinner before we ate we needed to pray. She had a friend over one evening who said: “I never had anybody do that before, that was awesome.”
Right before I flew home, there were 10 of us (mostly adults) that went to a restaurant for lunch. It was a noisy crowed restaurant and I hesitated suggesting a prayer before the meal, I was thinking they are adults, if they want to pray before they eat, they can silently pray to themselves.
Sigh.
Granddaughter said to those who received their food first and were starting to pick at it, “you can’t eat yet, we haven’t prayed”.
Out of the mouths of children.
So we held hands, and humbled, I prayed our thanks.
I also prayed a silent repentant & thankful prayer.
How quick I forget, how thankful I am to be forgiven, and how thankful I am Jesus is always drawing me closer to Him.
How thankful I am to see the ripple effect.
On me.
Just As I Am 